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Open Poetry #41
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Observance of the Hours
| Open Poetry #41 |
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Observance of the Hours |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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I know when he comes home at one I'll suffer for his lack of fun. He slams the doors like iron gates to let me know how much he hates the prison of the walls we made from silences of days. Sometimes he walks in about two restless for some more to do; angry that it's just the same as when he left me laying there. So he gets bored and calls me names. I shrug and turn the page. Sometimes when he comes home at three spewing joviality I pretend I'm listening my eyes are dull inquisitive nods of "heard it all before." I turn the tv off to sleep. He goes to bed, and I just read. Sometimes when he comes in at four I'm curious enough to ask and thus I get the first rough sketch of how life is without me there-- the burden on his back. It is a carnival when I'm absent. Sometimes when he comes in at five I feign sleep to see if he will check to see if I'm alive which doesn't work because I snore. So now I'll have to fake that too. (Note to self: Try apnea.) Method acting roars. Sometimes when he's not home by six I wonder about protocol if he's toe-tagged in the morgue and do "they" come to knock or call? I thought I'd stopped my questionings when "they" started answering. I vomit possibilites when phones ring unexpectedly, running superstitiously a mental roll-call of them all... Sometimes, I manage to forget and I neglect to name a death. (I wonder if they know and I sometimes feel ashamed.) Not a clock chimes in this house behind these prison walls we made bricks of battles that we saved for another day of ways contrived to buffer blows of graves-- Oh how we dread to live alone! |
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| © Copyright 2007 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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CudMonk Junior Member
since 2007-11-28
Posts 21 |
I think that's an absolutely fantastic expression of the dire situation you're describing. Most notably, I loved the final line, as I feel it encapsulates the answer to the question people ask: Why doesn't she just leave? Good job.  Cheers! Adam |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Fantastic sculpture of a hard truth Karen. Hugs |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thank you both so much. I put a lot of thought into how to sum this up. You were close though, CudMonk. If you think about the poem, "she" has already left. Emotionally. They are both absent--both to each other and in their own lives. So we spread the blame a bit more evenly, eh? Thanks for reading, both of you.  |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Very Nice Karen. [This message has been edited by Susan Caldwell (11-30-2007 01:40 PM).] |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
Instead in ticking moments hanging on a thread lost within the loneness I prayed in the dread hopes for your safety then wishing you dead with every tear I cried unconcerned of shed a heart can be broken dripping veins a life red not in words spoken more in what’s unsaid obligatory feet frozen my heart and mind fled and in the fire I needed I found a dragon instead |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
This could be a chapter in the book of my life K....perhaps, even two...but hopefully the next chapter gets better yes?  You express the story so well, and I experienced the moments with you. Extremely, well done Seren. You are a true word artist m'friend. |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
Already dead and buried, why can't we let it lie? I think the death of the relationship is more tragic than the death of a partner--at least one leaves you still feeling. Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Expressive writing...James |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
scratching my HEAD today... um, I was trying to get across an idea that the degeneration of a relationship is as mutual in responsibility as a successful one. Guess I blew the poem too, huh?  Thanks again, |
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Snowflake From Hell Senior Member
since 2003-07-10
Posts 777My own little Icey Oblivion |
i thought it was good....didnt think you blew it a bit violence may not be the answer, but it does make good headway |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
I believe you got your point across effectively in this powerful 'write!'... [...Pursuant to the 'mutual responsibility' for relationship failure as well as successful maintenance (if there really can be such a thing 'mid the pressure of raging 'externalities' on any relationship in this "Runaway American Dream?!")] Among my many 'limitations' is the inability to do "Realism" writes... I grandly admire those who can (especially if elements of said are at all drawn from 'personal experience' and yet create a strong "slice of everyperson's-life" dejavu sensation in the reader!) v. serious, long-sustained applause!! |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
This absentism reminds me of my last relationship. We live together, we would sit next to each other, but emotionally, there wasn't anything there anymore. And I was patient, I held my cards right under his nose, close enough for him to see that all I needed was his nod.. something he wouldn't give me. You've woven a great web here, lady. |
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LindsayP Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410Australia, Victoria |
A very thought absorbing write, you paint a very sad picture. good luck. Lindsay |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
You do touch some chords with this one, dear Karen! When couples become like strangers ... there is the choice between solitude (which could also be a new beginning, but fear of loneliness can be quite powerful) and the dreadful familiarity of lack of warmth. Very powerful write! Love and hugs, dear Poetess. Margherita |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
poem of real life...romantically bitter. But beautifully penned. |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
 "too bad ignorance isn't painful" ~Unknown~ [This message has been edited by Susan Caldwell (11-30-2007 01:40 PM).] |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Blew it? I am quite sure that you nailed it dead on and made the point when I can get it I do see a positive side to a negative portrait though in this line, I shrug and turn the page. For with each page turned, the smarter one becomes. To Helen: a heart can be broken dripping veins a life red not in words spoken more in what’s unsaid That supplied enough grounds for me 3 times. |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
I guess sometimes we are grateful for the gatekeepers and sometimes we dread them. You know I get this 'tho I usually am watching different hours and with a different anticipation (is it 7:30 am yet????). My heart goes out to you. You've really expressed yourself in a way that touches and evokes real understanding (and memories I'm glad to have put to peace). Love the title, too, ladybug! lubsya.....jojo |
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lucky Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 1601Idaho |
is it good that one should become comfortable in their ways like this..? riding the storm out is one thing but a roller coaster ride to well who knows where is quite another. I mean I get depressed when I hear my wife say to a friend "he's off with his poet friends." (most the time i take it to mean "I'm in another world") Awe yes, we do love our company - I love this close - whatever world we're in we certainly don't want to be alone. THAT's sledge hammer profound bubba... iliana quote: *I guess sometimes we are grateful for the gatekeepers and sometimes we dread them.* Isn't that a sickly truth - we want and yet we don't want... But then there's that thing we all wonder - you know... stuff like - could I have made a better choice, (along the way) avoided this..? kind of thing... Mysteria quote: *I do see a positive side to a negative portrait though in this line, I shrug and turn the page. For with each page turned, the smarter one becomes.* and the smarter one becomes the more they plunge into obscurity, or in other cases, fall into naivete... psst. maybe I shouldn't have used that roller coaster thingy - don't want ya to think that I was thinkin' that one of the worlds your living in could be a Circus. Nevertheless very thought provoking (for me). best friends best finds lucky dale |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Serenity your first words: "He slams the doors like iron gates to let me know how much he hates the prison of the walls we made from silences of days." Told me it is an equal sharing of the responsibility. The word WE is there and shares the sorrow. You did not "blow it" Love ya, "late" |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
martyjo is a smart cookie. Ya'll are all smart cookies, so I just assumed I wrote it badly. This is a personal poem (so maybe it's just journal poetry, but okay) anyhow, I was hoping to show both sides of a story. Maybe a sad story, or maybe it's just life. *shrug* But I do thank you for reading. And it's funny, because if you woulda told me I'd be the one observing the hours, twenty years ago, I woulda laughed my wild butt off. Life is weird. Love you all! |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I vomit possibilites when phones ring unexpectedly, running superstitiously a mental roll-call of them all... Sometimes, I manage to forget and I neglect to name a death. Good god a'mighty, gal... if this is a failed poem, will you please send me a few of your pens??? Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, watched the clock... and the gut-clench when that phone rings is reason enough for anyone wondering why... One lays the bricks and the other slaps on the mortar and the wall between the couple that worked on love instead of the games and the residents of the room grows ever higher. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"One lays the bricks and the other slaps on the mortar and the wall between the couple that worked on love instead of the games and the residents of the room grows ever higher." That is sooooooooo suthern! God I love that. Love you too, lady! MUAH thank you |
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