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Open Poetry #41
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A Shield of Bronze
| Open Poetry #41 |
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A Shield of Bronze |
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Bronzeage Member
since 2007-07-20
Posts 197
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Author's note: I am still playing with Iambic Pentameter to prepare for a really long piece. .. .. These days of punished generosity are only thunder clouds, dwarfs in the sky, who sling darts to answer kind intention, but soon scattered by the wind who bore them. If you are to suffer for mercy's sake, cling to my chest. I hold my shield skyward. Imagine the drum of arrows on bronze, the marching cadence of my beating heart. Errant missiles skirt our shadow and nip ankles like yelping dogs too small to note. Let arrows pepper my shield, if the weight should rend my shoulder, I have the other. Type II poet. Its worth the work. |
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| © Copyright 2007 Bron Zeage - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
"Imagine the drum of arrows on bronze, the marching cadence of my beating heart." I'm imagining ~ and its quite an impressive image! I'll keep an eye out for the for your "really long piece"!   Linda |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
VERY interesting 'write'! I LOVE 'punished generosity(!)' and yes... "Imagine the drum of arrows on bronze, the marching cadence of my beating heart." ...is most fine indeed! serious applause! |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
I have struggled with Iambic Pentameter in the past...lol...and I still do. These lines though, stood out for me Let arrows pepper my shield, if the weight should rend my shoulder, I have the other. Beatufiully stated and I truly enjoyed the images conjured up in my mind.  "In yearning for nothing, you will be free to enjoy what you do, free to see the patterns, free to hear the music in all things." |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Bronzeage, Interesting thoughts. You may want to check your stressed/unstressed syllables in the third line. ( the first two read beautifully,the third one caused me to stumble ). Perhaps it's just me, which is one of the reasons I so seldom comment on other peoples work. Doc |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Outstanding. |
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ArtSolstice Member
since 2007-03-18
Posts 498 |
Bronzeage, this was a mighty interesting write! Especially: "If you are to suffer for mercy's sake, cling to my chest. I hold my shield skyward. Imagine the drum of arrows on bronze, the marching cadence of my beating heart." and "Let arrows pepper my shield, if the weight should rend my shoulder, I have the other." That's some mind you have there, BronzeAge -- I could feel those images! |
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