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Open Poetry #41

Battle Wraiths (revised)

Warrior Bristo
Member

since 2007-07-28

Posts 96
Arizona

0 posted 2007-10-11 10:22 AM

The Battle Wraiths

No fear to fight
To face the night
Battle wraiths
Take delight
To bring the storm
By evil formed
To crush the soul
Without console
But fight the wraiths
Amidst the dark
Show no mercy
Call their plots
Strike them fiercely
And they will fall
And you shall stand
Above them tall

warrior undefeated

[This message has been edited by Warrior Bristo (10-11-2007 11:04 AM).]

Warrior Bristo
Member

since 2007-07-28

Posts 96
Arizona

1 posted 2007-10-11 03:22 PM

I've posted this poem once before, but nobody liked the way i did it much. It only had two words in each line, but i've fixed it to have four words in each line. What do you think of it now?

warrior undefeated

moondogz
Member

since 2007-05-01

Posts 397
Great White North

2 posted 2007-10-11 06:29 PM

Yes, the four word lines I like much more.
Sometimes its difficult to decide the "rythm" when one posts to a forum such as this...often a poem that seems to "move well" on paper, doesn't always "move" the same way on "PIP" and has to be re-configured. Well done I'd say.
moon.

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

3 posted 2007-10-11 06:32 PM

I agree WB. This is much better.
Ida

LindsayP
Member Elite

since 2007-07-28

Posts 3410
Australia, Victoria

4 posted 2007-10-11 11:44 PM

Yes it is better but why not try six words

a line, I'm sure you have the talent. good luck.

Lindsay

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