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Open Poetry #41

"Hello" Begins "Farewell"

Sekishu
Junior Member

since 2007-09-17

Posts 36

0 posted 2007-09-19 07:21 PM

I've posted a few poems on here so far and someone was kind enough to point out that some of the best poems dont put an over emphasis on rhyming. So here is my attempt to improve my writing. Please tell me what you think.

Sitting this night

My head in your lap

The television glowing

My bliss only growing

This is the first night in awhile

I dont want this to end

A torrent of thoughts and so much to take in

Immaculate brown eyes

Flowing black hair like a void that I'm lost in

Too bad "Hello" is only the beggining of "Farewell"

I never want to see you go again

But if you must, lets end it with a kiss

This isnt a chance I want to miss

So let our lips say bye

And our hearts scream love

This will be that last night for a while

But our red moon hasnt risen yet

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2007-09-20 12:29 PM

This is absolutely beautiful, enjoyed it greatly. The atmosphere is warm and love-filled.

Your words flow nicely down the page.

Love,
Margherita

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

2 posted 2007-09-20 10:16 PM

Hi, Sekishu! You set the scene and ambiance perfectly! ~ and it was 'loverly'.

May your red moon be rising!

Warm hug,

EA

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