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JeffD
Junior Member

since 2007-02-06

Posts 28
CT

0 posted 2007-06-09 10:12 AM

A Days Work

Sleeping on a plain
Days time wasting
Never knowing a days wage
Drifting in a land of waste
Or of pleasure

Always asking advice
In a little sequence of events
That changes my mind
To the void that fils my heart
A sacrificial area
Nothing too splendid
It only gives a sense of life
Nothing means anything to it
It's but a mere thought
An apparation
An idea
But once created
Never leaves the minds eye

Subconscious ruckus
Rowing against the midnight slumber hurricane
It decieves
Nothing inside to percieve
But the innocence
That comes from within its realm
Holding within its grasp
Are torturous devicces
Trying to keep out the light

Am I supposed to believe
That everything is merry
A jovial idea or plan
Or some sort of deception
Is it the devil
A red rapture
To come after an innocent child

Or is it just a dream

JeffD
Junior Member

since 2007-02-06

Posts 28
CT

1 posted 2007-06-09 07:35 PM

This is my favorite poem I have written. My friend and I had a contest of who can write a poem in forty five minutes and have it be good. His was also very well done but I like it because it was the first time he actually praised my work. I was afraid to put it up here at first but finally built up the courage.

Thanks for reading it.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

2 posted 2007-06-09 10:09 PM

Well done Jeff.!!

~ Trace my body with your words,
in doing so, you touch my heart ~

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

3 posted 2007-06-10 04:26 PM

"An apparation
An idea
But once created
Never leaves the minds eye"

I loved these lines above Jeff. Forty-five minutes is a short time, but you have some good phrasing and thoughts here. Much enjoyed.

Best wishes,
/Kit

aziza
Member Elite

since 2006-07-09

Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!

4 posted 2007-06-10 04:57 PM

It's an interesting poem, Jeff.

I really liked this part:

Subconscious ruckus
Rowing against the midnight slumber hurricane
It decieves
Nothing inside to percieve
But the innocence
That comes from within its realm

I have read the poem several times and think it is quite good. It's hard to put our work out like this sometimes. I am glad you did.

Alison

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

5 posted 2007-06-10 05:40 PM

I'm glad you shared this here

thanks for the chance to read it...well done indeed

JeffD
Junior Member

since 2007-02-06

Posts 28
CT

6 posted 2007-06-11 03:44 PM

Thanks everyone for the replies.

Drauntz
Member Elite

since 2007-03-16

Posts 2905
Los Angeles California

7 posted 2007-06-12 02:04 PM

it is good. very good.

enjoyed

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