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If You Must
| Open Poetry #40 |
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If You Must |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan 
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. Slowly Quietly as if finally Too tired to go on The day’s colors disappear The sounds themselves That one heard all afternoon Grow fainter until there’s only The chirp of crickets A single bird or two The bell rings A measured chime Reeds faintly rustle In a passing breeze Dusk The last soft light— Leaving the surface Of the sea . |
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| © Copyright 2007 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved | |||
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Another excellent example of compression. The structure of this is both complex and very subtle. Two pickety-pickety's: "day's colors" -- when the poem is read aloud this clangs. "Cricket" image -- not as fresh as your images usually are. Best, Jim |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
. http://www.illinoispoets.org/poems0606.htm#IfYouMust . |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
most pleasant! sustained applause!! |
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Drauntz Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905Los Angeles California |
to be honest, I can not appreciate John Wolf's "If you must". clinically, it is out of tune though it is a very poetic poem. Yours... I have read several times during the day. I wondered why the bats hovered around in the day time...no wonder...someone got into the cave and disturbed them. beautiful poem but kind of dark and hopeless tune. enjoyed as always wish you a very good night, sir Pawlik. [This message has been edited by Drauntz (05-17-2007 12:05 AM).] |
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
B E A U T I F U L!  RDB Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight......... |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
Thank you all oceanvu2, you give my stuff too much credit. I don’t imagine for a moment my things surviving as a small series much less a collection. If I have any ambition, which I doubt, (too late for that), it’s to produce for time after one good piece with the author unknown Thanks all again John |
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