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jayjara
Member

since 2007-05-02

Posts 90
Florida

0 posted 2007-05-09 11:06 PM

It's the metronome of life that restricts me
to clichés and forced rhymes,
the constant ticker-tatter
of keyboards and pitter-patter
of money flow through these hands and feed
that figure at the door, the silhouette of misery;
heavy jacket, moist boots, a hat to fit his darker hairs
and a tag to fit his youngest memory.

He carries a gun, he's ready to blow
loaded, cocked, but a lock on the trigger,
a lock with no combination but consequences
some sort of notion that leads
me to motion ink on the page,
stains this convivial fantasy;
leaves my disposition bleak
but with instruction to unlock my cliché;
loaded, cocked, but a finger on the trigger.

-J

D.Lester Young
Senior Member

since 2001-12-08

Posts 1219
Austin, Tx

1 posted 2007-05-09 11:44 PM

This is deep I love the depth of the words. It is like the ink is the bullet that the poet must use to strike out in their frustration.

I like this
"to clichés and forced rhymes,
the constant ticker-tatter
of keyboards and pitter-patter"

Drauntz
Member Elite

since 2007-03-16

Posts 2905
Los Angeles California

2 posted 2007-05-10 12:00 PM

My mind is out and my imagination is dead. I do not understand your title no your poem.

Is it about the president of Central Bank with his guard or some one typing record in the court or a profession dealing with money type job.

donno. if you are kindly to explain.

deval
Junior Member

since 2007-05-06

Posts 16

3 posted 2007-05-10 01:34 AM

very remarkable approach from emotions to words

especially
to clichés and forced rhymes,
the constant ticker-tatter
of keyboards and pitter-patter

some sort of notion that leads
me to motion ink on the page,

jayjara
Member

since 2007-05-02

Posts 90
Florida

4 posted 2007-05-10 08:08 PM

Drauntz, there is no relation from the poem to any real locations.

So,
if u didn't already guess, there are two characters in the poem. 1st- introduced in the 1st verse "me"...2nd- "the figure at the door" "the silhouette of misery"

Now- the 2nd character is important to understand:
"that figure at the door, the silhouette of misery;
heavy jacket, moist boots, a hat to fit his darker hairs
and a tag to fit his youngest memory."

He has a heavy jacket , his boots are wet and his fat fits his darker hairs= this means when he was younger (darker hairs) the hat fit. and the final clue is "to fit his youngest memory"- a young memory is one that is very recent. The man is obviously a soldier.

But not just any soldier- a sentry (from the title) [sentry means guard]

In the second stanza...it explains a place where the sentry is guarding and how this sentry wants to commit suicide. This place is character one's mind...so w/o a sentry to guard his thoughts of suicide...what is stopping him?

any further questions r welcomed

-J

Drauntz
Member Elite

since 2007-03-16

Posts 2905
Los Angeles California

5 posted 2007-05-11 04:54 PM

The Characters who has a voice in this poem
1. metronome …boring
2. keyboards …boring
3. silhouette of misery…boring
4. gun…the death of (spirit, a youn heart…etc)
5. lock…the mind
6. consequences…the mind is awake
7. ink…let the feelings out
8. trigger….think trice

That is how I read it. But in general you did not give out a background. Like, why you wrote this?

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