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Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

0 posted 2007-01-15 08:21 AM

The Nebbish Bird

A nebbish bird has haunted me
All my life I sailed this sea
He caws at me a call of shame
What’s your purpose and what’s your aim

He haunts me with his hallow eyes
Body language I would deny
He walks the limb with folded wings
Mumblings ire’s outrageous stings

He is my ghost my ego’s past
Those things of past that did not last
But they remain a smoldering ire
That he would torch and set afire

He stares at me in cowards glare
Those embers that I did not care
He cannot pierce my thick of hide
Nor can he stir my soup of pride

So day-by-day he storks the limb
And I go on ignoring him

trutodaraiders
Senior Member

since 2006-12-02

Posts 820
CA

1 posted 2007-01-15 11:12 AM

Words wise from a wish man..Nebbish? Clever! A perfect words for this poem. As usual your structure and meter is looking great. Iknow everywhere we look things remind us off the past.can make the future look a little timid. Enjoyed the read

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

2 posted 2007-01-15 11:30 AM

trutodaraiders
You smile upon the write of right, thank you.

ivordavies
Senior Member

since 2007-01-10

Posts 739
Chester, England

3 posted 2007-01-15 12:38 PM

Seymour,

Again I liked this and was taken into the mood by your words. Love the sort of poetry that reflects on life's deeds.

Just a query, why did you add emphasis to the last line of the first stanza by using 'and' instead of a comma. And in the last stanza your 'thick of hide' intrigued me when 'thickened' possibly means the same to me, but I am not the writer!

These queries are not criticism of the piece but just a genuine interest in the way you have delivered it.

Do I take it you are ex-navy or can you even stretch your poetic perfection to make the reader believe that you were!

Ivor

The moment created this second, is a moment that's going to last.
It lives the full spectrum of time, the future, the present and past.

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

4 posted 2007-01-15 01:05 PM

Poet, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

Paul Wilson

Member Elite

since 2002-07-07

Posts 4711
United States

5 posted 2007-01-15 01:58 PM

Seymour...I have a shotgun if you want to borrow it and shoot that Nebbish bird. LOL.
Enjoyed, don't let him pick your bones clean...Paul

~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~
Paul

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

6 posted 2007-01-15 02:40 PM

Sir Sy
you have to know I started laughing
the minute I saw the word nebbish
nu? you’ll give the nebbish a potch in the tuchus
and tell him he should get lost already

I love it!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

7 posted 2007-01-15 03:29 PM

ivordavies
I used "and" because it gave me the eight syllable count I wanted.
It's a personal choice thickened seemed I purposely thickened it.
No I was not Navy but Air Corp. But my mind
thinks Navy.
I hope this helped you and thank you for the read and inquiry

Interloper

Paul
Thank you for the offer but we learned to respect each other. LOL

Lady
You give very good advice.

ivordavies
Senior Member

since 2007-01-10

Posts 739
Chester, England

8 posted 2007-01-15 04:44 PM

Seymour,

Thanks for the response, I am always interested when I see a good poet and I think the subtle differences in language and pronunciation across the world have altered the rhythm slightly for me.

Only by knowing how my work will be read can I punctuate to try to get it universally accepted (impossible). I am therefore grateful for any help I can get in this direction and would be truly grateful for your comments in this respect on my posts.

Thank you once again,

Ivor

The moment created this second, is a moment that's going to last.
It lives the full spectrum of time, the future, the present and past.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

9 posted 2007-01-15 05:19 PM

ivordavies
My comment is you write well.

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant

since 2000-01-29

Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia

10 posted 2007-01-15 06:03 PM

Sir Sy... very nice write!

RDB

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

11 posted 2007-01-15 06:05 PM

RDB

Thank you for the read and comment I always enjoy your replies.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

12 posted 2007-01-15 07:52 PM

I remember this...

I remember looking up my "word of the day" because of you!

And you may still follow my wish
for it remains now, as then,

and kiss Isabelle happy!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

13 posted 2007-01-15 08:11 PM

Sunshine
You have a wondrrful memory, yes this was a rewrite. Thanks for the memory.

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

14 posted 2007-01-18 07:18 PM

Sy,
A delight to read as always. I still remenisce about the " short tribe ".
Doc

Beatrice Boyle
Member

since 2006-12-06

Posts 438

15 posted 2007-01-18 08:33 PM

Seymour...God created the "Nebbish Bird" to keep us from becoming too cocky about our accomplishments...he keeps us honest!

(Some men I know call THEIR Nebbish Birds WIFE!

Bea

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

16 posted 2007-01-18 08:43 PM

Beatrice,
LOL I knew about that but didn't want to mention it.

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