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Open Poetry #40
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Road Trip
| Open Poetry #40 |
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Road Trip |
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Burgundy New Member
since 2007-02-20
Posts 3 |
Hi, Im new here. Im still fairly new to the poetry world, so Id like to build my skills as much as I can. Heres my favorite work so far, any input you can give is appreciated. Road Trip The engine’s burning The gas tank is yearning But nothing can stop my beast of steel So I hold fast to the wheel Putting it all behind me That city missing jubilee My ears to my headset Next stop is the sunset Forgetting my pain and sorrow Not caring what comes tomorrow It doesn’t matter now All the sadness, my wheels won’t allow With my foot pressed down firm I’m past the limit, the gauge confirms Free in the cool air Devoid of the city blare And so the beast takes control The only time I can feel whole When my world is full of ripping wind Euphoric in my favorite sin No one’s there to hear my voice But this was by my own choice No more drama, no more strife No one left to run my life It’s just me and the Horizon So let’s Ride |
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| © Copyright 2007 Merlin A. Fabian - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I like it! Makes me wanna go for a road trip! Welcome to Passions! |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Welcome to Passions. Great rhythmn to your write. Really captured the feeling of the ride. Enjoyed. |
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Rod Member
since 1999-12-08
Posts 149Auckland New Zealand |
Hello Burgundy. Good poem. Great ending!!! Write on!! The greatest thing you can do for another is not just to share your own riches...but to reveal to him his own. |
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ivordavies Senior Member
since 2007-01-10
Posts 739Chester, England |
Burgundy, I liked the power and flow of this, but I would take the 'but' out of the first stanza as it softens the meaning needlessly and breaks the flow of the ride! Welcome to PIP... Have Fun, Ivor |
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
Burgundy... welcome to our blue pages - good entrance - welcome! RDB Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight......... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Pushing the envelope...is a dangerous fascination...and a testing of our abilities, and our limits. Be safe... and check your Email for a Very Special Greeting! |
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Angel4aKing Senior Member
since 2006-09-27
Posts 1372USA |
LET'S RIDE!!!!NOW THAT I HEAR!!! ~~~kingsangel~~~ |
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Burgundy New Member
since 2007-02-20
Posts 3 |
Wow, thanks for the feedback and welcome. Im looking forward to spending time here and building my poetry with you guys. |
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aziza Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy! |
Burgundy Thank you for taking me on this ride with you. I really liked your poem -- and agree -- get rid of the but I enjoyed reading this out loud to myself and came back to it several times. Welcome - I look forward to reading more. aziza |
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