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DAD??????????????????????
| Corner Pub #3 |
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DAD?????????????????????? |
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Musel Junior Member
since 2008-07-17
Posts 34 |
This pain has never left me, From the time you went away, You told me you were coming back, So in this spot I stay. You never came to find me, You never brought me home, In the garden where you took me, Sits a static human gnome. I wish you’d come to get me, I want to leave this place, I sit and wait, still so irate, Still searching for your face. I wonder why you left me, I wonder what went wrong, Did I somehow disappoint you? Is that why I'm here so long? I'll try to make it better, Just tell me what to do. I hope you get this letter, So you'll know that I need you. So please, please come and get me Take me away from here, Come back fulfil your promise dad, Come back and and wipe my tears! |
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| © Copyright 2008 Musel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Musel Junior Member
since 2008-07-17
Posts 34 |
just really looking for feedback on my poems... any comments goo or bad are welcome... |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
Very touching. Well done. Keep up the good work. Joyce |
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Danny Cobb Member
since 2008-07-09
Posts 74 |
i feel the sense of isolation and desperation as i read these chilling words of abandonment. i think you have made your aim in the effective expressions conveyed! write on! danny cobb |
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Trillium
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
Musel: I guess so many abandoned children feel they are to blame in some way, for the disappearance of their parents. You have passed this feeling along in your poem, so very well. Betty Lou |
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Hope Fleeting Member
since 2009-02-23
Posts 52Smalltown, Somewhere |
It's very hard to express how it feels with a parent figure up and disappears... regardless of if it's through a divorce, death, or seperation. You've done a very good job of showing the feelings of wanting and waiting for his return. ~ Previously Known as Broken_Winged_Angel and BrokenWinged_Angel~ |
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Chocolateme Junior Member
since 2009-03-12
Posts 15Tx |
Your poem is beautiful. It actually brought me to tears, because it tells my son's story. And you say exactly what he said. Thank you! *A Taste Of Chocolate* |
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crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
Really good poem, it flows nicely. I like your meter, there might be a few errors, but you are way better at meter than I am haha. Keep it up, Rileigh |
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