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Corner Pub #3
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Who Am I You Ask? (Repost from 2004)
| Corner Pub #3 |
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Who Am I You Ask? (Repost from 2004) |
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BrokenWinged_Angel Junior Member
since 2005-12-17
Posts 29 |
Who am I you ask? I am the person you never want to be. The little girl molested By her family, the one you saw on T.V. The daughter that you failed to protect And never thought to believe I'm the girl who hid the bruises You know from what, you're not naive I'm the one who no one noticed That ran away into winters night Shivering cold in the darkness Selling my soul for some hope Did so many drugs, I was a mess Then stumbled back home again To find I wasn't missed I'm the one who wasn't good enough To be like all the rest Always told so, and stop trying for stuff But did it anyways... To show that I was tough Yet even when I made it Somehow it never earned the needed love That woman with the battered jaw The homeless on the corner The ones you say you never saw Struggling to get by That fight both man and natures law Living life mainly alone Haunted by a crows lonely caws The one who's felt the loss Of a brother, of friends, and family Straight through to the boss Each one dying alone to something Each making her want to hit the sauce Every death another broken dream And another hope destroyed then tossed I'm the one who had and lost it all Then married in a blind grief Never knowing the price it'd come to call Bound to another, for his pleasure Doomed alone to fall I'm the one thats been there, done that And still can almost stand tall I've lost my hope, my dreams, my home To many times to count The sad stories that I'm often told Are ones that I have lived So I stand and listen, growing cold Recognizing evil in humanity Thats growing ever more bold I'll give everything, it's true In order to help you out Catch your tears when you're blue And show you the easier route Gently to avoid the pain, to you A friend in live I'll be Until my tale is through.. Who am I you ask? Look in the mirror.. For part of me is in every one of you. ~Formerly known as Broken Winged Angel~ |
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| © Copyright 2008 Nicole Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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BrokenWinged_Angel Junior Member
since 2005-12-17
Posts 29 |
I'm reposting this because I want some feedback on how to improve it. It doesn't flow quite the way I want it to, no matter how many times I go back and try to edit it.  BWA~ ~Formerly known as Broken Winged Angel~ |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
Dear Broken Winged Angel. I am confused. You say you were formerly known as Broken Winged Angel. But anyway your tenderness is showing. I just got home from being away for a week and found this. I will take some time tomorrow to see if I have any suggestions for you but my first impression is that its heartfelt and well done. Love, Joyce |
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rmortimer1987 New Member
since 2008-05-05
Posts 7Qld Australia |
BWA - this is a beauthiful and heart felt poem and at some stage every person will relate to some part of this poem that you have written..... i cant suggest any way to improve it as i read it through a few times and felt the flow of it suited the content and position you were writing from. because you felt broken and battered the flow being the same way works - thats how i feel at any rate... i think you have done well and cudos for being so brave to come through everything in this and still be able to see the light and love in people. Ruth
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
You gave us your heart, what more can we ask? Ida |
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midnightblues Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 1597Singapore |
The powerful emotions put together with simple words, your writing touched me.. Love, MiCheLLe If there cannot be equal in affection, then let the one with more be me - midnightblues |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
The way I see it the flow isn't near as important as the heart you put in this..I understand everything you revealed in this poem and i hope my poems hold as much meaning as this one does. |
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Ada'Do'Lis'Do'Ti Junior Member
since 2006-07-04
Posts 24germany |
I have to agree with everyone...I am sorry it still doesn't feel right, we are most often our own worst critic. If every day is blessed, why do I feel so depressed. |
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Hope Fleeting Member
since 2009-02-23
Posts 52Smalltown, Somewhere |
Joyce Johnson ~ I was.. many years ago it seems. However, someone hacked into my ya~ account and I lost everything that I had registered with there, including my first handle here. I've been searching ever since for a "new" handle that felt comfortable to wear. rmortimer1987 ~ thank you for taking the time to respond. Marchmadness ~ Thank you... I always put what I'm feeling into my writing. midnightblues ~ Your words always mean a lot to me. Thank you for responding. GothicCherry ~ Thank you. Ada'Do'Lis'Do'Ti ~ All to true. Thank you for taking the time to respond. ~ Previously Known as Broken_Winged_Angel and BrokenWinged_Angel~ |
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