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RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

0 posted 2007-07-05 09:18 PM

Stark Reality

This time of day is killing
And nothing is going smoothly
Sometimes I feel so vulnerable
As if someone touched me
I may break into a million pieces

Others say I am so strong
But I feel so very weak
Crawling into the fetal position
Gaining comfort from tears
Grabbing at the solace of memory

I hide my face in my hands
I stare at the floor
I feel like a coward
Hurt and shivering in my skin
Remnants of the cold wet of earlier

My life is slowly falling
The pieces float taunting above my head
I feel eyes- watching me all day
Mother’s gone so much
And father’s so distant in his misery

And what about me, or is that too selfish
We’re all hiding our thoughts from each other
Feelings resound
And mockery beats them back cruelly

I think sorry may be the answer
But I just don’t know anymore
Let me grab sweet sleep
Dreams are more pleasant that stark reality

If love were a picture that painting would never be finished.

Jezzika
Member

since 2005-01-05

Posts 154
work

1 posted 2007-07-05 10:13 PM

"I feel like a coward
Hurt and shivering in my skin"

I thought that this part was really good....
It has alot of passion behind it..
This poem is really good and I think that alot of people can probably relate to it

One trillion dollars could buy a heart a soul ~ Anti-Flag

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

2 posted 2007-07-06 12:07 PM

Wow

Very nicely put. It has a lot of pain and passion behind it!! Good job.

Please excuse me, my heart is bleeding.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

3 posted 2007-07-09 06:14 PM

Dreams are more pleasant that stark reality~

what a way to end it the line holds so much. Very great.
hunnie.

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

4 posted 2007-07-10 05:58 PM

nicwly put but i think in this case punctuation would have worked out nicely and made the poem stronger. i'm not a fan of punctuation in any way shape or form and being as which none of my poems have it but in this one special circumstance i think it would have enhanced your poem and meaning

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

5 posted 2007-07-10 07:21 PM

fact of the matter is- i wouldn't know where to put the puncuation. thanks for the advice though.

If love were a picture that painting would never be finished.

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