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Teen Poetry #8

don't break me

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

0 posted 2006-09-20 11:14 AM

don't break me like a butterfly,
all you do is cheat and lie,
one day when i am strong,
i'll do what i should have done all along,

don't make me feel guilt,
we both know it's not love we built,
i see you walking all alone,
i know how much we've both grown,

so much apart we've become,
i miss you but not what you've done,
so don't break me like a butterfly,
all you've done is cheat and lie.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

nostalgic*pride
Member

since 2006-08-23

Posts 122
NowhereVille

1 posted 2006-09-25 12:40 PM

Holy crap. This is amazing. Why has no one replied to this? Huh? This is fantastic. Omg, it so rocks. I'm... I'm just really confused as to why no one has commented yet. Jeez, this was... wow, this was just... yeah. It was beautiful. Wow...

Sarka
Junior Member

since 2006-09-21

Posts 23
Canada

2 posted 2006-09-25 08:17 PM

Beautiful!!!! I like how you compare to the fragile butterfly but yet show strength "i know how much we've both grown" and "Imiss you but not what you've done"

Sarka

~If we didn't have any bad days, we wouldn't appreciate the good ones~

Brittany
Junior Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 32
Canada

3 posted 2006-09-28 05:16 PM

I really liked this, it was beautiful. I've read some of your other stuff, I may not have commented on it yet (mostly cuz I cant really think if anything to say except that its really good) but I like everything that I've read, you're really good!

~Life Ain't Always Beautiful~

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

4 posted 2006-09-28 07:15 PM

Hi hunnie,

I liked this one also! The butterfly, like the others said, was a wonderful metaphor. Kind of fragile but sort of strong all the same, it worked out well.

I'm not sure what I think about the repeating of the first two lines/last, I probably wouldn't have done it but it doesn't look bad...

Thanks for sharing!

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
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