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Teen Poetry #8
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You’re just simply a Man (help needed)
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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You’re just simply a Man (help needed) |
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RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed Senior Member
since 2007-06-11
Posts 1062In Love <3 |
i really need a little help figuring out what this says. the words came from my head and i've learned these poems i write are the best things to trust, they show the deepest side of my sub-consciece, so could you disect it for me and tell me what you think it means? thanks a lot. -Red You’re just simply a Man So, pull back the string on your bow’s wooden back If you want me, that is, with a thirst that won’t slack Now I find myself caught between the wall and your arm’s sure-fire aim Just pull back, let that arrow fly to let the world know you’ve staked your claim Your eyes of ice- they pierce my bone to the milky white core Could you imagine such a thing could make me drop my heart on the floor? I hear the screams and run for cover from the dynamite you just ate Remember what you promised; fly it back to me before it’s too late Nothing is for sure except that you die at the end of life So hush your voice and listen to mine that cuts like a knife You can’t rip the words from my throat like you rip everything else I will not be a girl that at first sight of you melts Keep yourself a little father away than is safe- for my safety’s sake The words you are whispering down my throat are so hard to fake Love is so easy to forge- but I know the look so I’ll spot your counterfeit process Over you I will not break down or be pulled into a sick convulsing distress I’m tired of standing on the defense, always ready for the unfailing attacks If you’re going to love me, promise that you won’t do anything that detracts Fiery and full of ambition, to continue on, barely unscathed is my plan Well what are you really, don’t you know; to me you’re just simply a man I stuck my bare hand into your rip cage and fished around until I found your heart ripped it out tore it apart while saying You dont need this anymore |
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jayjara Member
since 2007-05-02
Posts 90Florida |
I wanna see more work like this...this is real good stuff. I don't know why you don't get it, though. Seemed straight-forward to me. You're probably looking for some one real and you don't wanna take any b.s. from any regular man. Thats what I got from it. Very nice. glad i scrolled down to see this topic -J |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN |
i liked it alot and i thought it was really strong. |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
I will not be a girl that at first sight of you melts *this line is off. and reads weird with the inverted line what about I will not be the girl to see you and melt Love is so easy to forge- but I know the look so I’ll spot your counterfeit process Over you I will not break down or be pulled into a sick convulsing distress Rhyming is off here too but it just sounds forced, but the rest is really good.What don't you understand? Seems pretty straight forward about the poem.. Its a really great piece of work |
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