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Teen Poetry #8

My Water-logged Heart

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

0 posted 2007-06-13 01:07 PM

for surf-painter, i hope that this is an improvement on my stuff. thanks for all your help. i really appreicated it.
-Red

My Water-logged Heart

I trusted you, at my own persistence
The very frame of my falling existence
I believed in the words you spake to me
But you hurled my heart into the sea

Swirling and foam filled is the ocean you chose
Angry is a mild word for such a place as it goes
I had to swim so far to get a water logged heart
Filled with the salt tears of the sea I had to part

My heart had gotten too big to place back
At least it didn’t have any stony crack
If anything it was flimsy in its thinning layers
Thanks- thanks for playing the game of delayers

I guess in a way it is my fault, though, I don’t see how
Wait! That’s because it is not- then or now
It’s your fault; I don’t even have to shift around blame
It was my heart that got hurt and disfigured and maimed

I stuck my bare hand into your rip cage and fished around until I found your heart ripped it out tore it apart while saying You dont need this anymore

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

1 posted 2007-06-13 03:57 PM

wow this was a lovely written poem and i love the new structure it was much easier to read you poem this time you did a fabulous job

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

2 posted 2007-06-13 06:04 PM

grazi mon amie, Adios!

-Red

(yeah i know i mixed french with german and that with spanish and english too, so shoot me lol.)

I stuck my bare hand into your rip cage and fished around until I found your heart ripped it out tore it apart while saying You dont need this anymore

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

3 posted 2007-06-14 01:21 AM

j'aime bien. mucho. haha well I tried. Wow this is such an improvement in structure. I loved it it was great and easy to read. hope to read more soon.
hunnie.

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

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