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Teen Poetry #8
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38 minutes past
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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38 minutes past |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain 
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38 minutes have past and im beginning to wonder if ill last seeing your words my heart just aches i wonder why i couldnt just take the chance and tell you how i felt that everytime you're around i melt that everytime i look in your eyes so many feelings begin to arise and everytime i feel your touch im overwhelmed, almost too much that everytime you lean down to me the only person that could ever see inside my heart, is me, myself but ive put my heart on layaway to lie on the shelf then i realize it cant possibly be real no one knows the way this feels ive never met the one i love it seems so unreal, almost impossible to be given from above and finally i know it was all just a dream since your face is a picture to me unseen and the words you say are all i have and now they're just memories of the past the minutes click and ill begin to cry because you finally just said goodbye. 45 minutes have past i know now ill never last. btw, i just wrote this like 2 minutes ago so i havent had time to edit it. any opinions are welcomed..i jus needed to write somethin quick.. ~missy |
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| © Copyright 2007 Marisa F - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jayjara Member
since 2007-05-02
Posts 90Florida |
not bad 4 2 minutes kinda cliché-> the "heart" being this home of love is very overused the rhyming is forced sometimes: the 1st 10 verses. What would make this poem real fresh would be some concrete images. When you write of this character's image and how it is a dream (again cliché) but describe this character. I want to know what made you write a poem that takes place in 7 minutes (38-45) perfect 7? lucky 7? I'll take a guess and say you are a girl. -J |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
haha yes i am a girl. There was really no reasoning behind me writing it in those 7 minutes, except that when i had a conversation with someone i loved it had been 38 minutes since they had said anything, so i began to write the poem. 7 minutes later, reaching the 45 minutes, that person said we probably should'nt talked anymore and said goodbye. Which is where i ended the poem... I have to disagree with you though [lol] the first 10 lines came easily, the more forced rhyming, to me, seemed to come in the last lines, cause thats when i really began to have trouble. thanks for the reply:] -missy [again, im a girl.. haha] |
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surf_painter Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434Canada |
well i liked it alot it captured so many emotions especially if you wrote in like 2 minutes i've had some of those but definitely not this great i definitely liked how you used cliches though i don't know why but thats the way i tend to think (haha i'm also a girl maybe thats why i get it) |
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surf_painter Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434Canada |
sorry but i just have to add this to my library and i forgot to do it on my last post so great job again |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
thank you :] |
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