My Soul Isn't Here For The Taking....... (first post in a bit)

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RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

0 posted 2007-02-04 08:43 AM

God its been a while since my last post.. LOL Anyway some new stuff... Hope my work hasn't gone down hill!! ENJOY!!!

My Soul Isn't Here For The Taking.......

What would you do with my blue eyes and my pure soul?
It isn’t what your looking for it isn’t going to make you whole
I’ve roamed the earth for several years, I’ve breathed the air and lived the land
But now you here and your offering me a way out, if I take your hand
We would go away together and I would be set free
Free from all the things I despise, my families memory

We’d be free to roam the world, sunshine, hail or rain
The salty tears that bathed my skin would never appear again
If only it was simple to give away everything I’ve ever know
My family, my friends, and the place I call home

I can’t leave this all behind and make a fresh start
I’m too afraid that if I do I might end up a tart
The girl I am today is who I want to be
The girl I trust with my entire heart the girl I know is the true me

I’d break through the wall of china to rescue my family if they got stuck
And if I got to them alive then it would be luck
So turn around and walk away, take your stingy offer too
I’m here to stay for the long haul now and so what if I live in a zoo
A zoo where my brother is a player, and my dad’s stingy with his money
A zoo where my mum tells jokes and I laugh even though they’re not funny

What would you do with my blue eyes and my pure soul?
It isn’t what your looking for it isn’t going to make you whole
My heart belongs to my family and you can’t set it free
So take your stingy god dammed offer and out the door you can flee

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

1 posted 2007-02-04 12:39 PM

mmm...It was okay.
Some of the rhyming just really didn't float-my-boat..but it was a good poem!

I understand why you used gd in the last stanza, last line, because of all the emotions you were feeling, and need to use a descripter..but I didn't really like that you chose that.

But that's just me

You definetely haven't gone down hill!!
can't wait to read more,
-missy

Angel4aKing
Senior Member

since 2006-09-27

Posts 1372
USA

2 posted 2007-02-13 11:16 PM

U GO GIRL!!!

~~~kingsangel~~~

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

3 posted 2007-02-14 07:02 AM

I kinda don't know why i used tart maybe because it is the exact word i used to be described as.. Dunno if that makes sense..

Thanks for the great comments

whitelielovely
Member

since 2006-12-11

Posts 146
Australia

4 posted 2007-02-14 05:24 PM

i'm feeling rhyme-y today
so i'll answer this way
i believe it was so very expressive
not to say the least a great message

what a wonder a story like this
so nice to read i'd have hated to miss
a well written well worded poem
so i guess you've showed them

Whitters (that's what my dear friends call me)

Love is never foolish- and if it is, it is a Divine Foolishness.

-Sir Gawain

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