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Teen Poetry #8
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My Angel (edit of Pretty Angel)
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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My Angel (edit of Pretty Angel) |
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pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513
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Sometimes it’s so hard to look at you And not smile It’s always hard to see you And not wish you’d look my way And Smile your beautiful smile at me I wish you could see That I’m an angel That I wanna be Your Angel Is it really so hard To know that I need you So hard to know That I wanna feel You eyes on me So hard to know that you're the one who completes me So come over here a minute This won’t take long, I swear I just wanna run my fingers through your beautiful brown hair And hear you say, “My Angel” |
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| © Copyright 2007 Cierra L. Robbeloth - All Rights Reserved | |||
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
better than the original i suppose...it really doesn't exactly have enough information for me to understand and really comprehend what you are feeling though..it seems you really love this girl, yet you can't really descibe her enough for us to understand WHY you feel that way... you might try using more description if you ever re-write this again..it seems you could've made this poem a slight bit longer and it would've work out a tish better..and maybe try and add a rhyme or two in there somewhere just to make it flow slightly easier off people's brain's.....not to be rude, but thats just me trying to constructively critique..  not your best, i really love you as a poet..and this just wasn't as good as you usually write..sorry!not to be rude, but thats just me trying to constructively critique.. [i didn't do too well at not sounding mean and i apologize for that..looong day]-missy |
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pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513 |
im a girl htis is about a guy all criticicms are appreciated |
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