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tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

0 posted 2007-01-03 05:12 PM

My hopes are up so high right now,
My feet barely reach the ground,
Your whispered words surround me,
I’m struggling to hear any other sound.

I’m hanging on the branch you hold,
Waivering on the side of the cliff,
With so much to lose and little to gain,
I don’t know if I can let go of this bliss.

My heart knows I need to let go,
And try this journey on my own,
But the fall is too far, my mind too scared,
To do this journey alone.

You dangle me over the sharp edge,
Watch me squirm and squeal,
Then pull me back into your arms,
And allow my heart to heal.

But as soon as I allow myself to believe,
That you want this as bad as me,
You shake me loose, look deep in my eyes,
And watch as my soul starts to bleed.

I can’t keep breaking my heart for you,
There’s less and less to piece back,
The shards get lost along the way,
So many pieces it’s hard to keep track.

You can’t shake me though, baby,
I know you and I know that deep inside,
There’s a love for me wanting to show,
A longing that you suppress and hide.

AIM-beatufu1tragidy

Tell me what you think about being open, about being honest with yourself.

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

1 posted 2007-01-03 09:58 PM

I loved this. You showed deep understanding. Great write. hope to see more from you. goin in my library.

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

2 posted 2007-01-06 01:22 AM

wow.. another great write.. i love it..

~heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

3 posted 2007-01-06 07:16 AM

My hopes are up so high right now,
My feet barely reach to the ground,
Your whispered words surround me,
I’m struggling to hear another sound.

I’m hanging on the branch you hold,
Waivering on the side of the cliff,*try adding an extra syllable in this line to even up the syllable count with the other lines
With so much to lose and little to gain,
I don’t know if I can let go of this bliss.

Some parts you should try to fix the meter and syllable count, I like it but it just goes off flow in bits

pip_man
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 70
Canada

4 posted 2007-01-06 10:15 AM

I really likes it...it was very deep and meaningful. I also loved the ending. Hope to see more. Great write!

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
Jimi Hendrix

chiLanta
Junior Member

since 2006-12-01

Posts 47

5 posted 2007-01-06 07:36 PM

beautiful poem!!!!

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