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nostalgic*pride
Member

since 2006-08-23

Posts 122
NowhereVille

0 posted 2006-09-11 03:23 PM

I was that girl
Who gave good advice
And helped you along
When you suffered in life

I was that girl
That smiled every day
When things seemed impossible
She'd show you the way

I was that girl
A friend to you all
Who never betrayed
And gave a hand when you'd fall

I was that girl
Who picked everyone up
And made each one of you laugh
When life dealt bad luck

I was that girl
That had no reason to cry
Never once felt pain
Or wanted to die

I was that girl
A mystery in truth
Like a god sent angel
Who stood beside you

I was that girl
Who hid all her pain
And kept on smiling
As she went insane

I was that girl
That never shed tears
Though she was ignored
Through out all her years

I was that girl
A lost soul without hope
To help you along
When she couldn't cope

I was that girl
Who you thought you all knew
Until the pain was too much
And the facade was through

I was that girl
That life pushed around
And held you all up
As she hit the ground

I was that girl
A hollow lie, empty shell
Leading you to paradise
As she was beaten in Hell

CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 248

1 posted 2006-09-11 06:37 PM

Halo, This is fantastic. It's driven to the point, and is so sad. I know exactly how you feel, I'm most definitely that girl. Great from beginning to end. THANKS!<3

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
Mae West

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

2 posted 2006-09-11 09:20 PM

I really really like this. I can relate. Good job.

~heather~

going in my library!

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

3 posted 2006-09-12 12:29 PM

wow!!!!!!! I LOVED THIS IT WAS AWESOME! i can relate in some ways like hiding my pain... but in some ways i cannot... but good post i really liked this

hunnie*
p.s going in my library too:P

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

pip_man
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 70
Canada

4 posted 2006-09-16 01:47 PM

I also thought this was an amazing poem, and I think you def have talent, I just dont know why more people are not reasponding to this poem. Anyway great write...hope to see more!

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
Jimi Hendrix

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2006-09-16 05:02 PM

Hey pride,

Interesting poem, I liked it

The only thing I kind of so-so on was the ending, it seems to lose the flow there or something, not quite sure, I must read that part again...

The other stanzas I loved! Especially the one about the facade; it's just an interesting poem when you look at it. "You" sound like the perfect person at first but than *poof!~* your not.

Enjoyable read, thanks for sharing!

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

6 posted 2006-09-16 05:16 PM

i can feel those emotions. it was written very well the ending kinda seemed off though. sounds like everythings is fine at the beginniing then we know the truth. i know how that feels totally last year at the beginning i was like that i had a really hard time trusting but i was supporting my friends always but now im not like that as much, i still support my friends but i dont hide my pains and such as much

nice work Pride

in_luv_06
New Member

since 2006-09-30

Posts 9

7 posted 2006-09-30 02:42 PM

hey...i luved this poem. it totally reminds me of how i feel sometimes n yeah this is definitely goin in2 my library!!

Brittany
Junior Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 32
Canada

8 posted 2006-09-30 04:41 PM

OMG, WOW
I really really loved this poem, I can totally relate! I love how the way the reader views the character changes so much from the beginning to the end, this is an awesome poem!!

~Life Ain't Always Beautiful~

Triskaidekaphobia
Member

since 2003-02-05

Posts 251
In a state of disrepair...

9 posted 2006-10-03 11:45 AM

That is truly excellent thank you for letting me read it!

I know that girl

I think we all do

Great write.

Kira Aso
Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 351
Closer to Hell...

10 posted 2006-10-04 10:30 AM

Wow! I can totally relate to this! This was some very awesome work and I really appreciate how well you wrote out your feelings. You obviously have a specail talent.

Hugs and Hershey bars for you!!!

~Kira

Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

11 posted 2006-10-05 09:47 AM

sorry i cant conform and say that i also relate, because i cant, but.......i really envy the clarity of hurt your piece inspires.

the formallity you put into your words really expressed a clear image in my head almost as if it was a perjection instead of words.

it was long so that helped too
~Tempest~

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

12 posted 2006-10-07 10:29 PM

This, is amazing. absolutely amazing. i like it ALOT.
Its like...i can so relate. completely. and it was so clear. your point was clearly made and came across perfectly. thanks for sharin!

pencil&paper
Member

since 2006-09-09

Posts 76
asleep somewhere in my head

13 posted 2006-10-17 04:27 PM

WOW
i LOVED this poem soooo much
you can even ask one of my friends i've been like talking about it so much i think i started annoying her lol

once again WOW

"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music."~Angela Monet

patience_iago
Member

since 2006-08-30

Posts 54

14 posted 2006-10-18 07:23 PM

WOW, as i read this poem i kind of had expectations of how it would end and even though i had the feeling the end still blew me away completely. I have reread this dozens of times over and over, its wonderful.

"There are some days where i believe i might die of an overdose of satisfaction"
-Dali

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

15 posted 2006-10-21 09:09 PM

Haley, I have stood where you are so so so many times, not once has anyone offered to pick me..
You did an amazing job expressing yourself.. Well done..

Jessica

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

16 posted 2006-10-22 02:45 AM

i love the repitition in this. good write.

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

17 posted 2006-10-31 05:05 PM

Pencil's right. It WAS starting to annoy me the way she went on and on about it. But, I see that she had reason to. THIS IS AN AMAZING POEM!!!!! Hope to see more from you.

Toodles,
Pen

Waiting for love...

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