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Teen Poetry #8
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Deadly Music-silenced voices
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Deadly Music-silenced voices |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
The song of suicide steals too many hearts Bleeding and broken from the impact of constant non verbal abuse How did we let the cycle of intolerance start? Inward cringing, letting freedom of speech be the shield and excuse Bitter sweet September showcases the losses of the past year The ones who couldn't take it any more and silently made their escape Returning students might regret their actions with pain in the air Not meeting each other's eyes- remembering those too broken to be saved Children who climbed trees together are divided by blind hatred Acceptance is lost in the wake of deadly phone calls spreading judgements tears fall direct result of the addiction to gossip that is easily widespread Afraid of school each day because they have been labeled as different Expected to suppress a part of who they are because they don't love the same April 17- a day to break the fearful silence- a day to unite and take a stand Sacrificing a voice to show support for the ones who live the nightmare each day Defending a dream so it doesn't just become wave washed words written in sand How are we so easily forgiving of a society not helping wounds to mend? Teens feel so out of place, lost and out of hope that they take their own life Trying to make a difference means fighting with words for every single step Why doesn't anyone else care that someone who isn't straight is doomed to hide? Hair covers up the pain shadowing the eyelashes of those pushed away No one knows where to cast the blame when people sing suicide's song Time to divorce society if this is how it's rules want us to play Condemming those who don't have choice- we're the ones who are wrong |
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| © Copyright 2008 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
I'd really love to hear peoples peoples oppinions on this |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hi Rhia, I liked the message you were trying to get across but I think it was a little muddled. The poem had some interesting thoughts; good thoughts. The two dates you refrenced I wasn't sure what you were talking about. I've been living under a rock so that could explain it. You have so much going on that it's hard to see what to focus on. I think I understand specificly what you are talking about and then another line throws me off. You have always shown real potential as a writer; you have interesting ideas. I think paring the poem down some would help. The sort of less is more concept. I enjoyed reading your thoughts and hope to read some more soon. Stargal |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
A major isssue is that the paragraphs are all together. I wish I could break them up but it won't let me edit.My computer won't show if I make any changes to my work on this site unless I sign off and wait a couple hours which is really obnoxious. I think it would be easier to read and understand if it was divided better. |
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