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Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

0 posted 2008-11-26 11:44 PM

I've made up my mind
I'm done with all my thinking
Cause I know this won't work
My heart is slowly sinking

I should of told you
That this feeling deep inside me
Is eating me from the inside out
But I know that would be too hard to see.

Would it be worth it
To just come out and not tell a lie
To be myself for once
And not have to put on this disguise.

That one day you'll accept me
For the person that I am
And that one day you'll love me
Is that too much to demand?

But I see you with him
And my heart gave in
That I know this wasn't meant to be
"We" were not to begin

My heart is moving forward
But my head tells me to step back
I can't grasp the idea
That you'd ever take me back....

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

1 posted 2008-11-27 08:41 PM

Awe, that's so sad! But the flow of it was perfect. Super Duper job!

{~~*~~}

Miss.Emmalee

"Who the **** are you?!!?.. GET AWAY FROM MY LIMO!!"

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

2 posted 2008-11-27 10:14 PM

Really good poem. Sad but wonderful!!! I can relate.

I love pancakes!!!

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

3 posted 2008-11-28 01:36 AM

Its heartbreaking but beautifully written. The rythm just totally clicks.

ruskins
Junior Member

since 2008-11-27

Posts 15

4 posted 2008-11-28 07:35 AM

I liked it, as for a title, how about just a simple word? Lament, or Solace. It's best not to wear a guise when you are looking for a companion by the way, it can create problems down the road. As cliche as it is, just be yourself, that way when you find someone of interest; they're falling for you, and not somebody you are pretending to be. Just my 2 cents, take it or leave it, haha =)

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

5 posted 2008-11-28 01:49 PM

love this Zach

good to be back for a bit

Krysti

KandyGrl511
Member

since 2008-11-30

Posts 52
Michigan

6 posted 2008-12-02 06:41 PM

that is sad but very nice job!?!

Ri
Member

since 2008-02-01

Posts 67
Blackburn, England

7 posted 2008-12-03 05:37 AM

A great poem, although sad
I can particularly relate to the well written final stanza

wolf girl
Member

since 2007-12-03

Posts 150
washington, US

8 posted 2008-12-08 12:04 PM

amazing and beautiful.

sorry no critique

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

9 posted 2008-12-08 09:13 PM

really good poem zach. sorry i didn't poste sooner but i haven't been on in ages.
its really beautiful, and so sad at the same time. i hope everything is going okay..?
well i'll ttyl!!!

.:~]Julianna[~:.

"Somewhere under the rainbow...there will be thunderstorms."

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

10 posted 2008-12-23 02:18 PM

How about, Never Meant to be?

Do you really love me? Or should i just let go now??

KandyGrl511
Member

since 2008-11-30

Posts 52
Michigan

11 posted 2008-12-23 07:52 PM

~WOW~ that was amazing~!?!~ i loved it so much!

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

12 posted 2008-12-23 08:17 PM

Aww kid, do you know what you are doing to me today? Lol. Awwww I need this vacation. Anyways, I think "Has Been Won't Be" sums up your poem nicely.

-Kate

"Lucy: I think you are the most selfish person on the planet. George: Well that's just silly. Have you met everyone on the planet?"

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