Hopscotch On The Rocks (I'm Shaken, Not Stirred)

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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2008-10-14 07:35 PM

My lips usher in the flow
of ice cold wind
below my teeth when I
howl
to an October grey.
With wisdom inside,
the sky rarely lies
on evenings when I should be asleep.
When heavy drink's not enough
to settle this bluff,
I let my feet
gasp
for a breath of air.
My toes usher in the flow
of ice cold wind
below my feet when I
sigh
to an October grey.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2008-10-19 03:24 PM

kinda disappointed that no one has commented yet.

Jrocc
New Member

since 2008-10-28

Posts 7
Australia, Vic

2 posted 2008-10-28 02:55 AM

I like it

It was hard for me to determine the meaning, either because i'm a beginner poet, or because it is made for the readers own interpretation, or both.

But after reading over it a few times, i really liked it. Although i am having trouble of understanding the relevance of the lips and the feet relating to eachother, but again, beginer.

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

3 posted 2008-10-28 03:09 AM

OMG I AM SO SORRY

I didn't even see this..STUPID GIRL!

Loved it as always hunni.. I've just been sooo busy i didn't see it.. Post again Soon!

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

4 posted 2008-10-30 12:02 PM

This is a description of jumping off something. I got base jumping a bit and I always yell right before I jump (the bit about the lips) and I've always wanted to try it barefoot (the bit about the feet). So I was just describing the sensation while linking the two ideas with similar pattern. I'm glad you both checked it out! I'll post something new soon.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

5 posted 2008-10-30 12:37 PM

I really liked this and would like to see some more of your stuff.

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

6 posted 2008-10-30 07:12 PM

Wow you had me completely lost. I wouldn't have guessed this was about jumping in a million years, but now that I read it again...wow.
Well done!

OH SHUT UP SHUT UP AND GIVE SOMEONE ELSE A CHANCE!!!!

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

7 posted 2008-10-30 09:13 PM

Thank you both for visiting, stop by anytime.

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

8 posted 2008-12-06 04:19 AM

I like that with your poems I cannot usually tell what you mean by it. I like being able to make it have meaning for myself that is completely different than your meaning or that of someone else. After reading what it meant to you, I went back and read it a few more times. To me it is like one of those pictures that some people see one thing and others see another- but when shown the other meaning they can see both but still mainly see the original image they saw... if that makes sense at all.. ha ha

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

9 posted 2008-12-06 01:12 PM

Whoa I love the images! Its so creative! I liked the way you used language and format to present this! Nice write!
Rhia

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

10 posted 2008-12-07 08:04 PM

thank you both for reading.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

11 posted 2008-12-08 01:24 AM

WOW you have always blown me away with your words

Krysti

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