one heart - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Sara Mikael
Junior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 34

0 posted 2008-09-14 08:58 AM

i wrote this poem when i was really really sad about something happend with me in the last few days and i wanna share it with you...if you do not mind!!!

We were one heart

And now we are falling apart

I used to call u my knight

And now I have to fight to move on with my life

I will try to erase this fairytale from my mind

If you do not mind!!!

You used to call me my princess

And now I do not have anything to be a princess for....

I have been waiting for you my knight

To take me with you on your white horse....might!!

But this was from the past

It is so hard for me to stop thinking of you

It is so hard for me to stop loving you

Maybe for you is hard to believe it

And for me is harder to leave it

so I am not going to stop loving you

And i will never forget you

Because we were one heart

THE PAIN OF LOVE

Sara Mikael
Junior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 34

1 posted 2008-09-14 09:04 AM

i am sorry ....i think this poem is shabby but im waiting for you to tell me what do you think about this shabby poem
THE PAIN OF LOVE

[This message has been edited by Sara Mikael (09-15-2008 04:47 PM).]

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

2 posted 2008-09-14 04:35 PM

i think it was wonderful, it made really think.

Abbeon
Member

since 2006-11-30

Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder

3 posted 2008-09-15 01:16 PM

It made me think and i know what you mean. And for English being your second language you do really good. Amazaingly good.

Becca

The hollow emptiness, the crazed thoughts left to survive

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

4 posted 2008-09-15 04:59 PM

i agree. for a second language this is amazing work. the only critique i can think of is maybe stanza's. group it together a little? idk, its up to you. i enjoyed it the way it was as well. it was very nice.

Sara Mikael
Junior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 34

5 posted 2008-09-15 06:52 PM

ok clockwork i will take your advice,,i think i have to group it together because this is my first poem here and i have to do some improvement

THANK you ALOT

THE PAIN OF LOVE

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.