Goodbye Sunset - pipTalk Forums

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BeyaK
Member

since 2008-08-07

Posts 126
Philippines

0 posted 2008-09-04 03:50 AM

'Goodbye Sunset'

I watched how the sun sets again
stared on the red-orange skies
nothing changed that much
since we had our goodbyes.

Still stuck with the memories
a past that still haunts me
time may pass and seasons change
but everythinh seems the same for me.

I remembered it so well
the time we sat together on the sands
never bothered about the time
as we hold each other's hands.

Such a picture perfect sunset
with no words to say
we just watched such lovely scene
and I then started to pray.

Though time didn't permit
for you to stay that long
you had your last breath with me
as I tried my best to be strong.

That was the time I let you go
and had our hardest goodbye
but it finally ended your pain
so long my angel, go on and fly.

~~*K. B.*~~

Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

1 posted 2008-09-04 12:14 PM

Aww. Sad, but really good.

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

2 posted 2008-09-05 09:17 PM

Aw! This is really sad. Sounds like it might be real- if it is I'm sorry for having to go through that. I loved the very last line it was beautifully done and had a lot of power by the end of the poem. I think your rythmn is a bit off and you might want to try and read it out loud to yourself to see if you can hear any spots it might sound off. I really like the imagery though and the rest of it was well done!

BeyaK
Member

since 2008-08-07

Posts 126
Philippines

3 posted 2008-09-07 10:38 PM

thanks octave... appreciate it that u read this one

~~*K. B.*~~

BeyaK
Member

since 2008-08-07

Posts 126
Philippines

4 posted 2008-09-07 10:39 PM

rhia_5779, thanks for the critique... i do have a bit of a problem finding the right words at times to write but i appreciate it for reading this and for liking it as well. i have a lot of things to improve on my writing. lol. THanks again.

~~*K. B.*~~

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

5 posted 2008-09-11 06:26 PM

loved it. i thought it was perfectly perfect. lol

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