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maddorani
Member

since 2007-11-18

Posts 423
houston,tx

0 posted 2008-03-10 11:16 PM

EXCUSE ME THIS IS MY 2ND RHYMING POEM SO PLZ TELL ME IF IT FLOWS GOOD THANKS FOR THE SUGGESTIONS AND I NEED A TITLE

my heart is turning dark and cold
because of the pain which i can no longer hold
and me that can no longer cope
becuase i just lost my hope
and me jsut holding on to u like a rope
because your the one who is my hope
the hope which i lost
the hope which made me freeze like a frost
the hope which i can no longer gain
the hope which made me come into pain
the hope which caused my heart to cry
the hope which caused my heart to die
i just want you to be mine
because your the one who is my sunshine
your the one who is like the sunlight
because i just feel so bright
i just want u to hold me tight
whenever im in a fright
whenever i see you
i just want to be with you
whenever i stare into your eyes
i just start to fly
causing me to sigh
and causing me to float
like the fast speed boat
but again my heart is turning dark and cold
because of the pain which i can no longer hold
and my heart which is burning into ash
cuasing my tears to splash
my mind is just going crazy
my mind is being a little hazy
my mind is going insane
my mind is trailing away like the train
trailing away like the train because i have so many thoughts inside
that i dont want to leave behind
and wishing that my dreams would come true
and wishing that one day i could be with you
your the only one who is my soul
who makes me feel like a complete whole
your the only who cause my heart to rhyme
whenever i see you everytime
i shall blame you for this
since you made me fall for you like this
you have caused me enough pain
causing my tears to fall like the rain
my heart is just crying away
my heart is just dying away
my heart is just lying about the love that it has for you
my heart is just denying the love that it has for you
because my heart doesnt knwo how to tell you
because my heart didnt know how it fell for you
i jsut wish you knew
how much i love you
my heart seems to be forgotten
since it became rotten
because of the way it turned dark and cold
because of the pain which i can no longer hold
and me that can no longer cope
because i jsut lost my hope
and me that lost my dreams
into the streams
and i lost my heart which turned dark and cold
because of the pain that i can no longer hold

BY ME

crimsonXnails
Member

since 2008-02-10

Posts 108
dark/little/heavan.:*:.

1 posted 2008-03-11 05:33 PM

hey hey,
loved it! it flowed really nice, i loved the begining, it really made you want to read more. fer a title, maybe How the ocean freezes over, or To hope for a heart? good write!
!Tracey!

if you can touch me, i know i'm still only dying

maddorani
Member

since 2007-11-18

Posts 423
houston,tx

2 posted 2008-03-11 06:03 PM

thanks alot hehe

fromme2U
Member

since 2007-11-09

Posts 257

3 posted 2008-03-11 06:20 PM

This was long but I loved it. nice flow

maddorani
Member

since 2007-11-18

Posts 423
houston,tx

4 posted 2008-03-11 06:39 PM

thanks i love to rite long poems

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

5 posted 2008-03-11 08:38 PM

i thought this was very good. its not my style of writing, and thats what i really like about it. alot the things that i love about poetry is that every person has there own style. i like yours.

maddorani
Member

since 2007-11-18

Posts 423
houston,tx

6 posted 2008-03-11 09:02 PM

thank you very much

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

7 posted 2008-03-11 09:26 PM

Enjoyed the write!

ARCTIC WIND

maddorani
Member

since 2007-11-18

Posts 423
houston,tx

8 posted 2008-03-11 09:53 PM

thanks

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