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tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

0 posted 2006-10-15 11:04 PM

Why was walking away
such an easy thing for you?
What took so much heart and pain to watch
seemed so effortless to do.

I sought out a painkiller for my heart,
to end my thoughts of what could be.
Your presence lingers, how it haunts my mind.
You so easily blind my heart from seeing.

My heart sings it's own ballad,
of my soulful destiny.
I try to supress the wishes that
it would somehow include you and me.

I'd be lying if I didn't cry,
if I said you didn't occupy my mind.
I'd be saying I didn't think of you,
...but an escape from you I can't find.

Maybe I got lost in the confusion,
lost track of what was truth and lies.
Maybe I loved you a little too much,
everything I felt for you led to my demise.

What I wouldn't give to let you go,
and rid myself of this prisoner's pain,
but like the leaves, my tears still fall,
mixing red into the rain.
-Erin

Umm...not my best. at all. but I needed to get some stuff out. Let me know what you think...maybe this time I can get more than one reply =((I agree with rhia, so I changed the last two stanzas. Thanks!)

AIM-beatufu1tragidy

Tell me what you think about being open, about being honest with yourself.

[This message has been edited by tapper798 (10-16-2006 03:41 PM).]

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

1 posted 2006-10-15 11:52 PM

okaie i'll start first... i thought this had a nice flow... maybe i wasn't really into it though b/c i wasn't really shure where this poem was headed i don't know though. the flow was amazing though... i noticed you changed your pic too.
hunnie*

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

2 posted 2006-10-16 01:49 PM

What I wouldn't give to let you go,
and rid myself of this prisoner's pain,
but like the leaves, my tears still fall,
mixing red into the rain.

So amazing!!! It started out really good went amazing at that stanza then sloped again. The ending seemed tiny compared to the powerful beginning and that stanza. Maybe you should rethink the order of stanza's.

pip_man
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 70
Canada

3 posted 2006-10-16 07:45 PM

I agree with rhia that the last stanza was amzing. I loved the end! I dont really have much else to say. Great write, hope to see more!

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
Jimi Hendrix

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