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Teen Poetry #8

Forever or Even Today

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

0 posted 2008-02-14 10:13 AM

I see you in the morning
And in the afternoon
Sometimes in the hallway
As I make my way through school

And you have no idea
As to what's rushing through my mind
Only thoughts as to why you shouldn't be her Valentine
Cuz you should be mine

I've said it before
And I'm not afraid to say it again
It's not obsession
But I won't rest til I win

I may seem as though I'm strong
Though without you my world would fall apart
For your smile makes my day
Your voice stops my beating heart.

I know, though, that your happy
And I hope you stay that way
Even if it means I'm not your Valentine
Forever or even today

Lordadon
Junior Member

since 2008-02-14

Posts 18
Singapore

1 posted 2008-02-14 10:46 AM

Right, firstly, sorry to hear about how you are feeling.

Secondly, punctuate your sentences, having a commar at the end of a sentence in poetry has effects, like double-pausing or some people may name it differently, when there is not commar, there is no pause, but a slight pause is present for those who are not familiar with the poem and are trying to recite it. A fullstop means a pause, long enough to let someone capture the information, just like in essays.

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