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Teen Poetry #8

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Kira Aso
Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 351
Closer to Hell...

0 posted 2006-10-09 12:04 PM

When I dream I make a list:
Of every single bloody wrist,
Of every lie and each mistake,
Of every thing I couldn’t take.

I'm not sure if this is ok or not okay to post. (I've read the rules up and down of course but I'd hate for anything I wrote to cause trouble...)
In short I'm testing the water.

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

1 posted 2006-10-09 06:22 AM

I think it may be ok, check with a mod. It does not depict suicide as the answer and it doesnt really have sensalitionistic violence.

it seemed really short , and to sing songy almost

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-10-09 09:22 AM

I liked the sing songy-ness of it though! I liked the shortness too, it made more of an impact short then if it were a loong poem...

I don't think that it's wrong to post this but I'm not positive so like rhia said ask a mod.

Can't wait to read more

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->---

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

3 posted 2006-10-10 12:28 PM

that poem absolutly moved me i can acually understand this very well and can relate... theres no way to really get out of it but yea suicide like you said to my poem is not a solution it's an end very poweful wording in the poem i loved this it is going into my library...
best wishes,
hunnie*

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

skaterfreak
New Member

since 2006-10-12

Posts 4
Kentucky,America

4 posted 2006-10-13 10:08 AM

Strangely,This Poem spoke to me.Wonderful Job(no offence but poems like that dont move me much anymore,but yours did)

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