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Teen Poetry #8

Leaving You

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

0 posted 2008-02-03 11:13 AM

*This is a poem that is from the other point of view from my first poem, I am following someone's advice, I'm not sure how good it is but I thought I would finally try*

I've been standing here
Waiting for you
In my dream like state
When the world crashed in
Seeing you
Was all too soon
It makes me weak
Like floating through time
Where I am there
But thoughts are gone
It scares me
When I can't save thee
If only
I could tell you
Before the time was up
Before I knew
The end was soon
I love you

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2008-02-03 11:23 AM

hmm seems like you had the same idea that i had when i was writing Letting go#2. but yours sort of doesnt end in a happy ending like mine did... this poem is good. i like it. but theres something that just doesnt seem right on this poem. but i cant figure out what hmmm i'll probably think of it later lol

"Zach"

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

2 posted 2008-02-03 07:24 PM

I like it. It isn't totaly clear, but I can understand it. And if I can, then other people definetly will. Good job.

FoReVeR.BrOkEn

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