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Teen Poetry #8
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Lucent Entity
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Lucent Entity |
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dah1namedj0na Junior Member
since 2007-08-19
Posts 19 |
A poem i wrote for a dear friend whose been heart broken and is still trying to move on, but occasionally has thoughts of that person. Lucent Entity A roaring monsoon engulfing all, Is unrivaled by your gentle breeze. Your luminescence calms my storms, Your smile and presence is your own prestige A rainbow is said to have no end, Because no one can reach the gold that is you, Although rainbows are only reflections of the sun, Your essence is one I hold so true. Replacing your heart now lays a burden One that all find so trivial And although it’s painful to see you in agony, You always manage to look so adorable. Just know although you feel distressed, It's your existence that makes me feel so blessed. |
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| © Copyright 2007 John H. Nguyen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
i appluad you use of imagery, metaphor, and word choice. However, those are also the things that I am going to tell you to work on. Luminessence does not really flow in this piece, it disrupts the natural flow of the verse. Thats the biggest thing, just checking the flow. |
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surf_painter Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434Canada |
interesting poem your friend must be lucky to have you |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
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