Crying Raindrops, Raining Tears

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pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

0 posted 2007-08-12 02:45 PM

My eyes are crying silent raindrops
The sky is raining quiet tears
There is no thunder sob
No rumbling protest
Nothing anyone need hear

I’m trapped in my own world
The only sanctuary I know
It’s my precious space
The only place
That I can truly call my own

I’m just a mess of a dreamer
With nothing left to dream
The world is closing in
And soundlessly I scream

For a life not forced on me
A role not forced on us
An ordinary place
Where we can learn to trust

Our eyes are crying silent raindrops
The sky is raining quiet tears
There are no thunder sobs
No rumbling protests
Nothing the others need hear

We'll learn to like eachother
We'll learn to understand
We hold eachother's soul
In the palms of our broken hands

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

1 posted 2007-08-13 05:23 PM

I’m just a mess of a dreamer
With nothing left to dream
The world is closing in
And soundlessly I scream~

I reallt liked this stanza it flowed the best. Although the whole poem did flow well also.
Krysti

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

2 posted 2007-08-14 03:41 AM

I love this. i really do. I think though that the main stanza needs to have

nothing anyone needs to hear

Put the to in cause I think it should be connected.

i think I really like it because I can relate alot right now, and the emotion in it is really true , at least for me. And I like how you described it, it made it seem serene almost. I think this is my favorite poem by you, going into my library. I really like this.. This is outstanding.
RHIa

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

3 posted 2007-08-14 10:06 PM

"We'll learn to like eachother
We'll learn to understand
We hold eachother's soul
In the palms of our broken hands"

This is really good...although i do agree with rhia about the 'to'. Amazing

So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart.

pencil&paper
Member

since 2006-09-09

Posts 76
asleep somewhere in my head

4 posted 2007-08-15 03:28 PM

i love this poem its awesome but i do agree about there needing to be a 'to' in there

"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music."~Angela Monet

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

5 posted 2007-08-16 10:21 AM

HI CANDIE!!!!!!!!!! LOL! thanks for the review but I can't edit it anymore so let's just say there's a "to" in there. C U @ orientation!

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

6 posted 2007-08-24 02:02 PM

I enjoyed this, very nice work here.

RedNail
Member

since 2008-02-29

Posts 65
Stockholm, Sweden

7 posted 2008-02-29 06:50 PM

Oh, my this poem almost brought tears to my eyes. You're an exellent writer. That's for sure. This one is going into my private library. ^^

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