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Teen Poetry #8
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Distortion
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Distortion |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN 
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grab your knife and your shotgun, i think this is gonna end tonight. hand in hand we fall victoms, to the bullets lullaby in flight. theres no way we cant stop it so lets take our seats and grab ahold, theres a good chance we wont make it, but i promise we will, just dont let go. i swear it will be fine just close your tired eyes, fall in step with your breathing, then exhale and say goodbye. we were just a moment too late and a shotgun shell short, funny how one second can make, your whole world distort. [This message has been edited by Clockwork_Orange (07-17-2007 11:47 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2007 Bryan Lucas - All Rights Reserved | |||
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RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed Senior Member
since 2007-06-11
Posts 1062In Love <3 |
it's alot like your others ones, but it's different and i can't pin my finger on it, but there's something very different about it- not in a bad what in a i-don't-even-know-what-kinda-way-it-is different. maybe you can tell me? -Red "I thought I'd just mention in passing . . . I always wanted a Sparkly of my very own." -Jeremy The Crow |
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BrittanyJ Member
since 2007-06-03
Posts 461Come find me? |
Nice flow and rhyming. I liked it  Another well written poem.So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart. |
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WaterFairy103 Member
since 2006-05-31
Posts 196 |
Another excellent write. Good flow and rhyme scheme... This is one of my favorites, even from you! I'm the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries. |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
I loved this CO you blow me away really hunnie. ~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~ |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hmm… clockwork_orange you have gotten me quite confused and, even though this is a normal state of being for me, I quite dislike it. I would say that this rather strange email you sent me, claiming to be a certain person and then not being that person here on piptalk is part of my confusion. Maybe you could explain what/who you really are, since you haven’t answered my reply from the email you sent me? Another thing, your account is set on encouraging critique on your pieces but how can I offer my opinion on your work if you post this; “"dont tell me anything i dont want to hear, if its rude keep it to yourself. otherwise cool. thanks for taking the time to read it." “ Since I don’t know what you want to hear then perhaps it’s best to say nothing at all? After all I am not a mind reading and I would hate to offend anyone for mistakenly saying something they didn’t want to hear. If this is not the case and you would like some suggestions please post something saying you would in case there are more people out there, like me, who are confused on if they can say something or not. As is, thanks for sharing some of your poems, I have read a few of them now and it has been a rather interesting experience. "The rising morning can't insure that we shall end the day; For death stands ready at the door to snatch our lives away" @-->--- |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN |
no stargal, its YOU confusing ME. for real though, its good to hear from you. just cntact me at soveriegn_ataraxia.com i cant remember which of my 7 emails i gave you so im sorry if i didnt ever reply to you. |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN |
and ps--the poem was really about losing someone close. although the whole time fighting it (it as in death) just telling yourself that its not happening but then the moment comes and your whole world just breaks apart and falls through into nothing, its like your in a void of nothingness that just wont fill itself. and your trying to cope but...idk.....the whole shotgun thing is just a metaphor for fighting the enevitable. and then the whole we can make it thing is what i wanted to feel. and you should be able to figure the rest out. |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN |
oh and as for my critiques. that doesnt mean i dont want critiques. it just means you shouldnt be a real d*&k about it if you didnt like it or something. go ahead and critique me, just dont make me want to ignore piptalk. lol |
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surf_painter Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434Canada |
this was pretty good i liked it it wasn't what i expected but it was a pleasant surprise to find what i did in it nice job |
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