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A home without a wall, |
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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #44 |
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My God, You're Wonderful, But Control That Supernova Smile. |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. 
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“Can you please hand me a tissue?” She said. And smiled, with teeth so white. You could melt glass with light from those teeth. Leave windows and mirrors a melting, supernova orange. You’re beautiful, but there’s no way I’m letting you into my car. ____________________________________ (Old poem, not a part of a series...) Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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| © Copyright 2009 Paul Weisbrod - All Rights Reserved | |||
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hey Paul, I be watching you! Fix the first stanza to: “Can you please hand me a tissue,” she asked and smiled -- her teeth so white! Rest is more than fine. You just might have a future in this business, which is a curse, not a blessing. Pick at some of your stuff like you were poking a needle in your own eye, and send it out. You're creating the type of owrk that would get you into Grad School at the University of Iowa's Writer's Program. You're supposed to get a BA first, but they make excdeptions. Take everything seriously, now that you are getting serious, every word, every punctuation mark, and do what you do with informed integrity. Yours intangerine, Jimbeaux  (I remember EVERYTHING) |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo Paul, Don't be that way. You can miss out on a lot of fun with an attitude like that. Bobby |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
You have a clever and unique style of writing. I dig it! Note to myself: Don't flash the pearly whites at the Viking! lol   Linda |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I've been smiling at the title alone, and you already know I'm a fan... this kinda reminds me of an old flame I called Pepsodent (and no, he didn't like it when I did that) but lovin' what you are doing here, and I'm grateful to peek in your notebooks occasionally.  |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Jimuelson... WOW! Thanks for the vote of confidence, and thank you for taking everything and keeping it in your brain, that's incredible. I still like that poem... Bobo... Trust me, I let her in my car. =] EA... Fanks. Serenity... I'm glad you enjoyed it! -P Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
I know what you mean. Can you imagine the damage she could do with those teeth.......You just might have to wear dark glasses the rest of your life. Well, cause you'd be supernova star. In certain eyes of course. Was her name Andromeda Jones or something like that? Eric |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Nope. Her name was Jackie. Ha! More discreet than Jackie Andromeda  Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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