a day like any other (blank verse)

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Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

0 posted 2009-03-10 01:27 AM

I somehow knew that Catherine was not
In Paris, that was fine, for I was in
New York at that specific time. Not that
I’d have a clue about her whereabouts,
For I don’t know the girl, and never will,
Perhaps. At Starbucks, I indulged myself
With velvet scents of almonds, mocha and
Girls underwear, perfumes of Mexican
Cigars imbuing them. I asked the waitress
For toilet paper and a box of condoms,
Of berry flavors, or of lemon tea.
The weather babe has said it will not rain
Tomorrow morning in the Gobi desert.
I might go there for continental breakfast
Before a dip in Arctic waters on
A Norway beach, popsicles smoldering
In callous hands that were not made for work
Along a shaft, alone, but on their own.
With Tylenol and vodka I shall go,
Wherever dreams will take me, to and fro.

zaxby
Junior Member

since 2009-03-05

Posts 48
California

1 posted 2009-03-11 10:09 PM

This is some very cool coffee shop poetry, I like it.

Noel
Junior Member

since 2009-03-06

Posts 42
West Coast

2 posted 2009-03-11 10:12 PM

This is all over the place, a real mixed bag, and great fun to read.

Cool beans!!

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

3 posted 2009-03-11 11:03 PM

Yo Mark,

And then what?

Bobby

SkaaDee
Member

since 2008-04-07

Posts 116
Canada

4 posted 2009-03-11 11:11 PM

I enjoyed it.

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

5 posted 2009-03-11 11:46 PM

Zaxby, Noel and SkaaDee, thanks for reading. I’m glad you’ve enjoyed the visit. Also, welcome to PIP!

Bobby, thanks for being here. Then what indeed!! Lol. Yep, I guess there isn’t much of a story yet, but your comments just made me realise that there might be seeds for one in there

I am playing with madness lately, sometimes hard to keep it up, but I’ll sure try.

Mark

turtle
Senior Member

since 2009-01-23

Posts 548
Harbor

6 posted 2009-03-12 12:05 PM

Hey Mark,

It jumps around a little but the structure looks pretty good. I liked the one internal rhyme.... maybe more could be used to tie up the loose ends??

turtle

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

7 posted 2009-03-12 12:10 PM

Turtle, thanks for reading and commenting. Yes, it jumps a bit, and the revision will jump a lot more, trying to a different style, but yes, it would surely benefit from more attention to sound, to give milestones the reader can use for the journey, I guess. This is a quick first draught, and I wanted to have some feedback before I expand/revise. Thanks all for that

Mark

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

8 posted 2009-03-13 09:20 PM

Marc-Andre - nice, I liked this, very nicely done...

BC

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

9 posted 2009-03-13 10:20 PM

Bill, thanks for reading. I'm glad you've enjoyed it. Mark

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