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Open Poetry #44
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Self Titled King
| Open Poetry #44 |
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Self Titled King |
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impact Junior Member
since 2009-03-07
Posts 27 |
Only sin can bring you here Take a look at your empire of gold Try to yell at your reflection Try to cry towards your reflection You're seeing the cause and the effect Once you've placed yourself on a pedestal You'll be the only one to fall from the top People are willing to catch you, help you You are now at their disposal Remember how you disposed them? Remember how you made your mother cry Remember how you left your friends all alone Remember how you laughed when your father tried Remember your deception that is still unknown A self titled king How dare you place yourself If you're claiming to be of an accepting breed You are no larger than anyone else For this you shall burn, you shall bleed [This message has been edited by impact (03-08-2009 11:46 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2009 impact - All Rights Reserved | |||
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
In precepts of your mind, you see a lofty king and any crown that's placed there hangs As only your doing. If titles sometimes worn in jest Are seen as only evil things. My friend, then do your best. This poem is not bad, but there are places where the context could be clearer. If you want to post this in CA, I could help you with it. turtle  [This message has been edited by turtle (03-08-2009 09:59 PM).] |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo Impact, This is nice writing. I never made my mother cry. In fact, I don't remember her ever crying about anything. She was a tough cookie. Bobby |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Not sure what type of arrogance you're writing about in this piece but it becomes intense in places. Stimulates thinking to fill in the proper images. Welcome to Passions I think you'll like it here. Eric |
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impact Junior Member
since 2009-03-07
Posts 27 |
it's actually talking about me, I go through points of time in my life where I get so into myself, and I stop thinking about other people that I care about and all that. Then something happens and I end up feeling like a fool. Pretty much it's about staying humble. Thanks for the feedback everybody, and yes Eric I already like it very much |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
Quote: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For this you shall burn, you shall bleed ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If this is about yourself, then I think you're being overly hard on yourself. But hey, As long as it isn't about Barrack Obama, or something....Whatever floats your boat. Turtle |
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pontyjim Junior Member
since 2009-03-06
Posts 40Ontario, Canada |
powerful first post. i like the images.good effort. |
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impact Junior Member
since 2009-03-07
Posts 27 |
I was actually referring to getting a branding/scarification/tattoo/piercing. Some sort of thing to mark myself to remember the event, which would involve some pain as well. Not like i'm going to hell or anything. And thank you pontyjim |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
welcome to PiP, and as I read the write I couldn't help but think...ouch! Then again, if to feel the pain and passion is the point of writing, I would say that you succeeded...will be looking for more... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Welcome to Passions, and I can well see that you've made an [ahem] "impact".  I certainly hope that you've felt your words strongly enough that you don't need to inflict further pain upon yourself.  Please, check your email for a Very Special Greeting! " It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love ~*~ KRJ |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Very impressive first post... I look forward to reading more... Welcome! *S* |
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