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Open Poetry #44
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| Open Poetry #44 |
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exhausted |
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tao power Member
since 2009-02-24
Posts 109 |
I won't pretend I truly knew you or the troubles of your soul but I will not let your death lend you any air of mystery or let you be a legend because all told, you chose to choke on the stench of your depression and worthlessly wallow in dismal self-loathing. As the vapors filled your vision I wish you could have seen that we all have trouble breathing and all of us will snap collapse and relapse just to pass the time but we still command our lungs to oxygenate the blood and even in that depressing tiny selfish act there is still a trace of love. |
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| © Copyright 2009 tao power - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
in that truly selfless act. (that's just what I heard in m'head.) You really have a way with da riddums and rhymes, flows nicely down the page, but not so fast as to trespass some truly deep thought. This could be about any idealization, and I like the blanket of that... hmmm...I'll be watchin' you, tao. very cool stuff here.  Me likes!  |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
very sad, thanks for the supportive poem. yann |
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tao power Member
since 2009-02-24
Posts 109 |
"truly selfless act"?! THANK YOU! that line was nagging at me for a long time, and your suggestion is perfect. I like it way better than what I had written. Thank you. Can I use it? |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Absolutely, tao. I enjoyed the exchange this morning, so consider it an offering of gratitude. It's been a long time since I felt the vigor of a joust. Yer lovely. Goodnight dawlin'. sigh I have to sleep. Humans will be counting on me tomorrow. (doncha hate that?) ciao  |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
There was a lot of this that I really enjoyed. Alliterations for one...love them. also loved the theme... Well done. "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
this is touching |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
"snap collapse and relapse" I love the cadence of this...in the class of 'stop, drop and roll' serious...very nicely done...just so you know...it was the 'tiny' that arrested my attention (with all due respect to serenity's superb suggestion) |
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tao power Member
since 2009-02-24
Posts 109 |
thanks for the feedback. This was a very personal piece for me, written for an acquaintance who asphyxiated himself in his garage with the car running and the door closed. I am still very angry about that. I was worried about putting something so personal down, but you all are kind and it was well recieved. thank you. |
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