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Open Poetry #44

my mother

mein or meree thanhai
Junior Member

since 2009-02-01

Posts 21

0 posted 2009-02-20 05:53 PM

This late night
Snow fall on my face
Wandering here with nostalgic memory
Searching my mother….
Searching on glimmering stars…..,
…. a lonely star
Heard painful songs of wild birds….,
Heard a weeping of a baby
Who, lost her mother in this deep forest
I’m searching till I reach heaven.

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2009-02-20 07:37 PM

Yo mein or meree thanhai,

Is this some sort of translation?

Be careful of how you use the ellipses. There's a right way, and a wrong way.

Bobby

Boshii2
Member

since 2009-02-01

Posts 146

2 posted 2009-02-20 10:48 PM

Lots of little birds fall from their nests.
All we can do is pick them up tenderly and put them back.
Some mothers do find them again.
I will help you find her.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2009-02-20 11:32 PM

Nice writing...James

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

4 posted 2009-02-21 02:27 AM

Very nice thought provoking piece.

Maybe you're not using ellipses at all because you're using more than three dots here.....A pause maybe? A time for the reader to absorb maybe?
I don't know. Bobby's right though, one might be searching for the expected word to fill in the context.

Good work.

Eric

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