A Ballad of Adam and Eve - pipTalk Forums

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Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

0 posted 2009-02-17 05:24 AM

They knew that on a cloudy night
Stars wouldn’t light the sky;
They’d waited in the woods for dusk
Now they were crawling nigh.

The Cherubim were drinking wine
And chatting by the fire,
Deploring Eve’s departure, their
Sole object of desire.

They slithered by, towards the tree
Unnoticed by the guard;
But then they felt the heat of flames
And knew their way was barred.

A sword of fire revolved around
The tree that bore the fruit;
Plain Eve was ready to give up
But Adam was astute.

He saw the serpent slithering by
And nipping at the cows;
He snatched the serpent’s tail at once
And flung it in the boughs.

And soon some fruits fell off the tree
And they began to chew;
They had to eat them all at once
To know what they should do.

For footsteps were then heard nearby
As God had come to stroll;
For he had seen the serpent flung
And had thought it quite droll.

And God, omnificent as e’er
He knew just what to do:
Conceive black flies and swarms of wasps,
The snake, send to a zoo.

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2009-02-17 11:56 AM

Yo Mark,

Poetry doesn't have to rhyme. I'd looosen this poem up a bit.

Bobby

turtle
Senior Member

since 2009-01-23

Posts 548
Harbor

2 posted 2009-02-17 04:52 PM

Now you're getting the idea Mark.

This tells me a story and takes me somewhere.

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

3 posted 2009-02-17 08:54 PM

Bobby, thanks for reading. Yes, poetry doesn't need to rhyme, but I like poetry that does. I'll see how I can "loosen it up" while keeping to my rhyme scheme.

Turtle, thanks for reading. I'm glad to know you've enjoyed it.

Mark

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

4 posted 2009-03-09 12:15 PM

I liked this. You made me laugh and I appreciate the styles of poetry that you write. Rhyme or not - if it is written well, I like it.

Alison

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

5 posted 2009-03-09 02:21 PM

PLain smiles Marc andre, thanks for sharing this subtle piece.

regards

yann

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

6 posted 2009-03-09 04:33 PM

Marc-Andre - I like the way you wrote this, just something about it...

BC

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

7 posted 2009-03-09 10:02 PM

You forgot mosquitos.

Cute Marc.

Fun stuff, I enjoyed the dumbing down to enhance the satire.

Eric

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

8 posted 2009-03-10 12:47 PM

Alison, Yann, Bill, Eric

Thanks all for reading. I'm glad to know you've enjoyed this lighthearted piece.

Mark

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