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Teen Poetry #1
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You're Just a Guy!!!
| Teen Poetry #1 |
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You're Just a Guy!!! |
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Olga Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 152Brooklyn, NY, USA |
You're just a guy, A tipicle guy. I can't blame you for the fact you're a guy. Do not even try to think! I thought you were different, But then again, you have a dick. Don't call me "baby". Don't say "I love you hunny" Don't cuddle with me, You're not a fuzzy bunny. You're just a litle boy. Don't try to be a man. In order to be a man, You gotta comprehend, All the things you can't. You're just a guy. All guys lie. This will go on, till the day you die!!! [This message has been edited by Olga (edited 09-07-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Olga - All Rights Reserved | |||
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SWEETLADIE Junior Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 11BRONX,NEW YORK,UNITED STATES |
GREAT POEM I HOPE EVERY GUY READ IT |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Hey, not all guys are the same, you just have to find the right one. |
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JohnDoe82 Junior Member
since 1999-08-04
Posts 42MO, USA |
Wow, are generalizations wonderful? |
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Olga Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 152Brooklyn, NY, USA |
1) I hope all guys did read it 2) If im gonna spend my time looking 4 Mr. Right, I might as well keep on hoping that im gonna marry Brad Pitt 3) It wasnt just 1 guy that hurt me, and u are right, not all men are like that but the majority are. Oh and thanx 4 the compliment on mu spellin!!! |
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Maitay Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 158Sisters,OR,USA |
Great poem, ya not ALL guys are the same, but the nice ones seem to not realize I'm alive. They all want to be my friends. Friends with benifits that is. This sucks, I want to find a nice guy who'll stick around cause I ain't givin nothin up till then! ------------------ ~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~ ~Maitay Mirabel Litton~ |
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Olga Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 152Brooklyn, NY, USA |
You're absolutley right. P.S. I like ur poem |
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StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
Well, it's a well written poem. Other than that though, I dislike it. As a few of the others said, it's far to generalizing. As a hopeless romantic, in my relationships, I've never said "I love you" without meaning it, I've never tried to do things with ulterior motives in mind, and amazingly, there are many guys out there like me. I know some guys are the type described in this poem. But it's no mass-majority that's like that. The fourth stanza hints at the idea that not all guys are like that, but still implies that most are. Well, that's all I have to say. -matt ------------------ "Lost time is never found again." -Ben Franklin. |
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Olga Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 152Brooklyn, NY, USA |
As I said before the majority of guys are like that, then there are that couple that are the amazing sweethearts, but most guys just dont care about shit, and the only thing tehy care about is 2 get the girl 2 bed, maybe u are one of the sweethearts so u think differently, but even alot of the guys I know will admit that all guys are dicks, so its not just me that has the same theory. |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
honestly, i didnt like it.....bad spelling...too stereotypical, and honestly, it wasn't very well written.....its obvious youve been betrayed, i think you could and you should word thast betrayal into a more specific description....as opposed to blaming all guys...and use little more variety in the vocab.  |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
honestly, i didnt like it.....bad spelling...too stereotypical, and honestly, it wasn't very well written.....its obvious youve been betrayed, i think you could and you should word thast betrayal into a more specific description....as opposed to blaming all guys...and use little more variety in the vocab. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i completely agree with sd and have wanted to say so from the beginning. 1st stanza= 3 lines 3 times the word guy is used. the reptition is aggravating. find a different word 2nd stanza= too vague for a poem that is obviously not free verse. if this poem was describing feelings instead of cutting down the male gender, than ambiguity would be fiting, but here it jsut comes off sounding confused. 3rd stanza= this part about the fuzzy bunny sounds like a forced rhyme and sort of implies that either a) this guy is accustomed to calling himself a fuzzy bunny or b) you only cuddle with fuzzy bunnies 4th stanza= what all things can't this "boy" understand? elaborate. why are you writing in teen forums if you need a man.... honey, you are a teenager like the rest of us and the last thing you need is a grown man that will completely take advantage of you. accept the fact that the only normal relationship you can have will be with a person your own age, and you are not an adult yet either. cut guys some slack. last stanza= probably the best of the poem. but why not work on the theme of guys lying to you? pick an emotion and stick to it. be pissed. this guy betrayed you. THESE guys betrayed you, but not all guys betrayed you. a poem should try to be consistent. i hope that you will work on this one and repost a revised edition. ------------------ "Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens roxane |
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Olga Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 152Brooklyn, NY, USA |
Ok maybe my poem isnt the best, yet i do write what and how I feel, and this poem is about how "I" feel. Its not in perfect condition, nor is it in perfect format, but this poem describe how I feel. Corection felt. Yes it is obvious that I've been hurt, so when Ii hurt I write how I feel, I dont worry about grammar, or sentence strusture when I write a poem, I just make sure that i get my feelings across. PPL dont have to adore my poem, I dont write poetry for other ppl, i write poetry fro myself!!! |
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StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
Upon reading roxanne's words on this poem, I decided to look at it again, and I agree with her entirely on everything she said about this poem up until the final stanza. The first time I looked at it, I read it only once, usually I try to read poems twice or three times before commenting. It's actually not a very well written poem. The guy repitition is obnoxious, and I'm a big fan of using repetition to drive points home. I don't see how the free verse part roxanne spoke of has anything to do, but it is vague. Any poem should be more specific than this, even poems that leave a lot to the reader. This leaves nothing for the reader to go on to think of more about the poem. With the amount of information here, I don't have a clue why you actually hate guys, beyond them lying to you. On to the last stanza, I feel it is actually as poorly done as the others. The second line "All guys lie" starts up that annoying repetition and also doesn't rhythmically fit with the rest of the poem. If you either went to full free verse or better structured the piece as a rhymed verse and focused in on perhaps a single event that led you to believe most all guys are terrible people, then the poem could be an incredibly good poem. But the vagueness, poor structuring(for a structured poem), and generalization make it a poorly done piece. -Matt ------------------ "Lost time is never found again." -Ben Franklin. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
not here to hurt your feelings, only to help matt- i was only implying that a free verse poem does not have to be as structured as other poems and suggest that as a possible avenue. |
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Olga Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 152Brooklyn, NY, USA |
As I said before, a)I write for myself, b) this poem is dedicated to 2 guys, just that when i think about it most guys act like pathetic morans. c)wen I was talking wit my friend, we just compared thoughts on guys, then I wrote this poem and after she read it she sugested that it would be a good idea if i would post this poem on line. |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Like roxan...i didnt criticise to hurt, but to give you ideas on how to improve. i have one thing to say though...your friend suggested posting it right? If you write for yourself, why not post for yourself? |
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Olga Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 152Brooklyn, NY, USA |
I did post it for myself |
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Olga Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 152Brooklyn, NY, USA |
I did post it for myself |
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StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
Olga: 1) I don't think any of us on here intentionally meant to offend or hurt you with our criticism. We're simply giving suggestions that might help you become a better poet, so that when you write for yourself, your work is more vivid and meaningful. 2) What we're giving ARE simply suggestions. If you want the poem to stay the same, and want to continue writing in the same style, with the same ideas and such. That's your right. We're not saying you HAVE to do these things, they're just suggestions. I know that's why I post my poems, anyway, I respect the people on this board as very intelligent people capable of analyzing a poem, so when I post, if I get "Great Poem Matt!" Then I know I wrote a good poem, and I'm happy. If I get "Your poem sucks." Then I'm upset, but if I get "Your poem sucks because....." which is what I tried to do, then that's great. Because whether or not I agree with the person's insights, it still gives me input that I might not have otherwise seen. Therefore, I can work on perfecting the art of poetry. -Matt ------------------ "Lost time is never found again." -Ben Franklin. |
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Tanya Junior Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 43Brooklyn, NY, USA |
I READ ALL OF THE REPLYS BEFORE AND SOME ACTUALLY DO SOUND LIKE SOME1 IS TRYING TO HURT SOME1S FEELING OR NOT TRYING BUT STILL IS. I THINK THAT IF A PERSON PUTS THEIR FEELING INTO A POEM ITS GOOD. IM PRETTY SURE EVERY1 HERE HAD A MOMENT THAT THEY WERE REALLY UPSET OVER SOMETHING LIKE OLGA IS/WAS FEELING AND DO KIND OF HATE SOME1 FOR SOMETHING THEY DID. IT'S TRUE THAT SOME GUYS ARE ASSHOLES...BUT SO ARE SOME GIRLS. IT IS VERY HARD TO FIND SOME1 THATS FITS PERFECTLY INTO WHAT U ALWAYS WANTED. OLGA THERE ARE MANY GUYS OUT THERE...IF U GO FOR THE CUTEST ONES THEY THEMSELVES CAN TELL U THAT THEY ARE PLAYER! BUT NOT ALL CUTE GUYS  I DONT MEAN TO OFFEND ANYONE, I KNOW ALL OF YOU ARE TRYING JUST TO HELP, BUT IT WOULD BE NICE TO SAY ALL THOSE THING IN A WAY THAT IT WILL BE HELP NOT AN ARGUEMENT.<333TANYA<333 |
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Olga Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 152Brooklyn, NY, USA |
A) Matt, thanx for ur suggestions on my poem and all of you too. I was just very upset about what that guy did to me, and for the past month or so, I have been freaking out at every1. I guess I got a lil too defensive, but I was just VERY pissed off. Thanx anyway for all ur sugestiona, Ill try to revise my poem and I'll post a better copy soon. 2) Tanichka thanx for ur support, u are absolutley right, I do deserve smth better than that pathetic asswhole. I've managed to get over that trash, and I said to myself "Olga he's a DICK, u don't need him." Thanx Tanichka, and all of you too. Love Olga --------------------------------------------- "Until every person lives in dignity, none of us can live in peace!" |
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Starith Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 176Leesburg, FL USA |
Not meaning to intrude...I usually don't come in to this forum...but I am glad I did. I'm not going to critizie the poem...if you wanted that you would have posted it in Critical Analysis. Nor am I going to condone anyone else for having an opinion. What I would like to do is remind everyone that just because you don't agree with the poem doesn't mean that it's a treibble thing. To all you guys out there...Take it from someone who's had long enough of a time to look...the Majority of men...for one reason or another are like that...I have also learned though that there are a few out there who aren't like that...but those few are hard to find and are usually taken. Ogla to you I say this: Don't give up...I do know how you feel I've been there more than once...we end up there more often than not...but that's no sign that just around the next corner isn't the one who will change your mind. But also...don't think that all men are that way...trust me when I tell you they're not...I'm sure you have friends that are male...think about them...maybe one of them is "different". This poem showed you're pain well. Keep it up and you'll get better with every one, just keep writing from the heart..and pay no mind to what others say or think. Star ------------------ We are only truly apperciated after we are no more! |
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Olga Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 152Brooklyn, NY, USA |
Thanx, ur right not all men are asswholes, but majority are, i will keep on searching |
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Lynn Member
since 1999-09-20
Posts 316Jasper, Alabama U.S.A. |
I think that your poem was very good. I was just dumped by a guy that was exactly like that. I thought he was different, but he wasn't. But, all guys aren't like that (hopefully). I still believe that there's a few good ones left. |
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