must get input!!!!,and title

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Teen Poetry #1

must get input!!!!,and title

The Mike Sacks
Member

since 1999-08-29

Posts 129
brooklyn ny

0 posted 1999-09-22 10:09 PM

i only met u yesterday
but your always on my mind
everywhere i went today
your beauty left me blind

now IM at a loss for words
to describe all i felt
as your beauty bared down upon me
and my brain began to melt

my soul left my body
and floated with your scent
i only met u yesterday
all these words are meant

------------------
I wish i were a poet

The Mike Sacks
Member

since 1999-08-29

Posts 129
brooklyn ny

1 posted 1999-09-24 06:46 AM

hello?

Maitay
Member

since 1999-07-16

Posts 158
Sisters,OR,USA

2 posted 1999-09-24 10:02 AM

I liked it. You have a way with words. Keep up the good work

------------------
~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~

~Maitay Mirabel Litton~

Tinfang Gelion
Junior Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 14
Rochester

3 posted 1999-09-24 02:44 PM

I know where you have been, it's a curse of the human mind to long for something with burning love like this. I do not let myself be overpowered by fear, hatred, confusion, for I have defeated these. But love, I shall never be able to conquer. For it conquers you.

Titles could include "The Breeze, Your Soul".... "Face like Daisies".... or even "The Face I Once Knew".....

Just some helpful suggestions...

Olga
Member

since 1999-07-26

Posts 152
Brooklyn, NY, USA

4 posted 1999-09-24 06:21 PM

Not a bad poem Mike, but just 1 question, how can ur brain BEGIN to melt, I mean its already melted.
---------------------------------------------

You cannot sedate all the things you hate.

qtbreze
New Member

since 1999-09-26

Posts 1
tempe, az usa

5 posted 1999-09-26 09:47 PM

This is a decent poems but it sounds like Greenday would sing them.

[email protected]
Junior Member

since 1999-09-26

Posts 36
Whitesboro,NY,USA

6 posted 1999-09-28 05:47 PM

It sounds pretty good to me-how about "first impressions"?

Melissa

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

7 posted 2007-11-13 07:40 PM

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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