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It hurts...
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It hurts... |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
I've been dumped again. It's Friday night, 21.45pm and I'm sitting hear alone in and out of tears. I don't even know who of my friends to call. Things made me learn not to open up to people, cry on peoples' shoulders...then I never unlearned it. So I kinda screwed myself that way. My two close friends both left University at the end of last year. Anyway I kind of managed to phone two people...and guess what both their phones are on voicemail! *Sigh*. I don't know whether to let myself be sad or force myself to snap out of it. Whether to indulge or be super austere. He's revising for his finals. I guess he couldnt deal with me on top of exams. We are going to talk again after exams but pretty much arent going to get back together. I said stuff I shouldn't have and I don't think he's going to forgive me. Maybe in time when we do talk he will forgive me, who knows. I miss him so much. I envy people who have so many friends...actually he does...Ive never been the popular type. More like the opposite. You probably all think Im pathetic. Dont worry, I know I am. He said he could rip me apart if he wanted to but he wasnt going to. What would he say? Has he that much against me? Does he think of me that way? Thats worse than anything. I thought he liked me. He did. He made me open up, you know? He said tonight that I should be careful of not opening up more quickly to people because most people wouldnt bother persisting. How do I change such a fundamental part of me? How do I let people in and be symbiotic? I'm a rock, an island, as Simon and Garfunkel would say. Im turning 21 on the 18th of June and guess what? Ive got an exam on my birthday. Fun, huh. Sorry for being so long winded but I needed somewhere to vent... You know when things just dont seem to matter? Like you dont really care if you live or die, not that youd go out of your way to the latter of course. Only thing thats keeping me going is this job I want to get over the summer. I interviewed today. Will know this time next week. I dont know what Ill do if I dont get it. I dont want to lose anymore. Just for the time being. It's too much at the moment. Ill shut up now. Thanks for bearing with me. *-Lizzie-* "Time has told me not to ask for more, one day our ocean will find its shore" ~Nick Drake |
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skyshine 
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
I know that it hurts....I'll be 22 on June 23rd, and my longest relationship so far has been 2 1/2 months....nothing to brag about huh? And I've never had a lot of friends either....seems like all my friends have 10 people they can call when they're upset, I don't have that many and can't bring myself to call even those people. They joys of being the quiet type, huh? I've just learned to go it alone for a lot of things, and so far I've turned out ok....but it still hurts. Sorry if I'm not much comfort, but I do know how you feel! *hugs*  ~sky Hold on, if you feel like letting go |
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Michelle_loves_Mike
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189Pennsylvania |
I'll be 33 in May (oy!), and I've survived a very unhappy divorce,,,in that relationship, I was made to feel unpopular, ugly, useless, and at the same time used,,,,,,,I won't say the easy thing,,,"you're young,,you'll be fine,,,,time heals,,yadda yadda woof woof" youre pain is real, age means naught. I will say,,,in my case, my life was turned around when I met Mike,,,he's taught me that I am worthy, real, and that I can reach any goal,,,,so, this guy saying,," I could cut you down , but I won't" if full of hooey,,,hes just using your own insecurities aganst you,(our sel doubt is an evil advisary to say the least). I don't know you, most likely never will, but, I do know you are trying to make something of yourself, or you wouldn't be in college, you are worthy of your own respect and love,,,go with that,,and everyone else will fall in line,,,,and you will find you are the best ,,,,, Michelle I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
I will be 40 on June 23rd (^5 Sky).. I think you are putting too much into what another can do for you... Concentrate on yourself and your goals and the rest will fall into place. Confidence and self-worth are very attractive attributes...  And good luck with those finals! "cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind" |
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Opeth Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543The Ravines |
Susan made some excellent points. You are young ESP... your entire life is ahead of you. Setbacks, which may seem vital or extremely important - the ones you have described - are not vital or important when looking at the big picture of life. Don't fret these things. Take care of yourself and do what you can do to make yourself a better person. Everything else will fall into place. Best of luck to you. |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Thanks for the replies everybody. Im all good now, for the most part. Amazing what a new hobby and positive attitude can do... Everything happens for a reason I guess. Liz x "Time has told me not to ask for more, one day our ocean will find its shore" ~Nick Drake |
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