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Very Tough One
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Very Tough One |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys 
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O.K. here goes... This is m situation currently. I have this wonderful girlfriend, but before we started dating she told me she had a girlfriend as well, which is one of my good friends...I knew this off the bat, so it was not a surprise, but that is not the problem...we all moved in with each other, which is great, but me and my gf are getting really, really close, and to make matters worse my gf's gf bf (I know that’s a mouthful) dumped her so now my gf's gf is jealous of us and she has told us that...I mean there has not been any fights or anything bad happened, yet, but I don't know how to approach this situation especially because I am bad at sharing, emotionally...but here is the catch my gf is not intimate with her gf, so therefore I don't know what makes them that, and I have asked her this before, but I hate bringing it up because it will eventually cause strain on our relationship...and I think I am falling in love with my gf...and it eats me up inside that she has a gf..So I don't know how to approach this subject, because I don't want to live in a house full of fighting, I mean it is great now, no problems what so ever, except the one I explained...so any thoughts, suggestion, words of encouragement, maybe even a damn your (edited profanity), something...some people have told me that this is a dream come true a blessing in disguise...but I don’t look at it like I have two girls, more like I'm sharing emotion and it is hard when her gf is upset and needs her, and all I want to do is spend time with her. I never tell her anything about how I feel because I feel it is not right because I knew before, but we are starting to get more and more serious...so I don’t know...holla… [This message has been edited by Poet deVine (07-01-2003 08:05 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 matt cockrell - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
wow, what a mess...*hugs* sorry you are going through this. If you and your girlfriend are getting serious, then you need to talk to her. Tell her you love her, if that is how you feel...and tell her that if you two are to be a couple, that means for you, that you can't share her,"that way" and it's eating you up inside. It's one thing, for her to have a best friend, but the other stuff is just too much for you. It's ok to have your feelings of the situation change. I mean, you have the right to ask that of her. I would say ask the other girl to move out. If your girlfriend chooses the other girl, well as painful as that might be for you, at least you will know where you stand with her. You want to come first, it's not like they can't be friends, but this situation calls for some open honest communication between you and your girlfriend. I would pick a time and place that is mellow and private, just the two of you, with no innteruptions. Don't say things that start with, "you do", say "I feel" and things like "I need". That way she won't feel a need to be defensive. But definately lay it out for her. Leave no questions about it. Be clear in what you are asking of her.If she says something like, well you were cool with it before...say yes, but my feelings have changed. She can either accept it, or not.And you need to be emotionally prepared to hear what she has to say, either way... but hey, that is just my take on it. I really hope the best for you and that everything works out. Again, I'm really sorry you are in this pickle.  |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
thank you for your advice,but i am still not sure how to approach it, but all the advice i can get helps...thanks again |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
ask her to marry you and say you want to start a family, buy another house and move (without gf's gf) then gf's gf finds another bf and everyone's happy I'm good at concocting the future |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
lol...if only life was that easy... "in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums" |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
seriously, you gotta draw the line somewhere...you have to let her know there is a problem...if she won't be part of the solution, then things will only get worse. From the outside looking in, I can't really see any relationship worth any misery or fighting. If it's not working, it just ain't workin' move on, you'll be old and gray before your time [This message has been edited by passing shadows (07-03-2003 12:00 PM).] |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
you know you are excatly right, i have to draw the line somewhere and i will, thanks for the boost of confindence...but i think it willa ll work out in the end...thank you soooo much "in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums" |
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Purple Poet On Wheels Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 145Pittsburgh/Edinboro, PA |
So I take it that your GF is Bisexual? For the last half a year of my life I had a crush on a girl who claimed to be a Bisexual, S&M, atheist. I'm writing a memior about it. I can send it to you if you like. Let me know MJH85DIREC@AOL.COM |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
no she is not bisexual/sexual with this girlfriend... that would make it easier to understand this if she had a sexual relationship with the girl...but she's just frineds with her...and that doesn't make sense. I don't know, my friend...I'd say you are falling for the wrong one here. I'm no Ann Landers and don't wanna be...but all I can say is if she puts a woman in the middle of you two's relationship, it ain't the right one for you. |
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Purple Poet On Wheels Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 145Pittsburgh/Edinboro, PA |
We need an update How are things going? |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
sorry i was out of town...but as of now gf and gf are talking and just going to be friends, because they were both confused, and my gf's gf just kinda placed that title on them, so i think i might work out...i talk wiht my gf about it and told her excatly how i felt...and told her from just an outside point of view her relationship wiht her gf...that they were just best friends...because they both have alot of love for each other...but not like a relationship of that nature...sexual...so when i get home from work i should know...so i'll let you guys know soon...thank you all..it really helped to talk to people that are not in the situation wiht me about it...thank you soo much |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
cool  keep us updated! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
what's goin' on with ya sweetie? |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
well so far so good everything is working out, and we are both very happy, i'm very happy, which is good because i havent been in four years...she told me she was fully committed to me, so i think it is going to be just fine...thanks for caring...it means a lot |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
coolbeans! |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I'm very happy you talked to her, and that things are working out...and I'm glad you are happy  |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
thank you me too! |
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
damn! I was too late to offer my advice! LOL oh well, I'm very happy to read that you and your gf and your gf's gf are back on track! Remember, life is short and happiness is everything! Enjoy Ciao Bello Roniece Dawson-Bruce |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
thank you-life is too short to not be happy, and i am so glad i am...thanks! |
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