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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2002-12-25 02:19 AM

miss my Dad so very much tonight that if I could I would rip my heart out of my chest and throw it against the wall.

The only thing that hurts worse than this is knowing my mother misses him more...

I should go to bed.

I'm sorry good poet people, just something that has been on my mind.

sigh. Sorry people.

Krawdad
Member Elite

since 2001-01-03

Posts 2597

1 posted 2002-12-25 02:41 AM

No apology necessary, k

Ron

Administrator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-05-19

Posts 8669
Michigan, US

2 posted 2002-12-25 03:16 AM

I understand.

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

3 posted 2002-12-25 08:35 AM

i can only imagine, so

from me as well

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

4 posted 2002-12-25 09:13 AM

Holidays do that, Karen, bring back all the good memories and nostalgia that goes with them. No need for apologies, sweet lady. It would be stranger if you DIDN'T feel those things. You are blessed to have had a father that invokes those emotions in you...best of holidays, serene one.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

5 posted 2002-12-25 10:35 AM

I understand too.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2002-12-25 10:59 AM

Thanks all...just another bad moment I guess.

I've been thinking about this and it's more than missing my Dad . The kids are kids and not babies anymore--so I miss the noise and the toys and the magic of seeing things "brand new". I even miss HIS father over here picking lint off of my living room floor on Christmas morning...grin. And? I suppose there's a little girl in me that misses Santa Claus too. And the mom in me misses BEING Santa. (I know I am nuts...shaking my head.)

Now I think I'll go play a video game. The sound of all this clicking in this house is maddening.

Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays.

(It's about 10 a.m. here and I'm counting.)

RSWells
Member Elite

since 2001-06-17

Posts 2533

7 posted 2002-12-25 11:11 AM

Holidays are hardship to some. It's a dutiful daughter who thinks of her departed Daddy on this occasion. Merry Christmas.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

8 posted 2002-12-25 04:59 PM

Don't apologise for what you feel and for who and what you miss, okay?

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

9 posted 2002-12-25 05:18 PM

Holidays are the emotional roller-coaster of the soul. I've been up and down them all week. Sometimes, I just have to let them take me for the ride that is, truly, so well deserved. If we bottled these feelings up, Karen, we'd be sorry individuals indeed. Thank you for sharing the love of your father with us...

It makes me feel like I'm not alone.

Merry Christmas, my dear...

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

10 posted 2002-12-25 07:13 PM

I'm there too, my friend...

Miah
Senior Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 1062
Pennsylvania

11 posted 2002-12-25 08:06 PM

I can only imagine how you feel. I wish so much for your dad to be there with you.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

12 posted 2002-12-25 08:50 PM

Thinking of you Hon, great big hugs

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

13 posted 2002-12-25 09:36 PM

I understand more than once or twice...

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

14 posted 2002-12-26 09:27 AM

I understand Karen. This was my first Christmas without Dad althought the 5th without Mom. I does get a little easier eventually but never really goes away entirely.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

15 posted 2002-12-26 01:38 PM

Hey all. Another thank you from me to you...and I seem to have attracted the holiday blues crowd this year.

I should explain that I spent xmas eve with a friend that also recently lost her father to lung cancer and we had quite a sob fest together. Then I talked to my mom, who pointed something out to me that I hadn't considered. She said that the living trudge on in a kind of survivor's guilt. She told me that enjoying life is not a betrayal to those we love who are no longer with us in the physical. She pointed out further that my own father had survived most of his family and enjoyed life until the pain made his life intolerable. Then she made me laugh by saying that if my Dad were here, he would sternly tell me to "cut this out now" and get on with enjoying. She's right. (She's a pretty smart lady too, did I ever mention that?)

Oh. Did I mention that my Christmas cactus bloomed? On Christmas morning too. Not a big deal to some, and a mere coincidence to most I suppose, but to me it was like my Dad saying, "hey"--as he was an avid gardener, and his flowers ALWAYS bloomed.

Peace and hugs all.

(and yep, "GAWD, I love you people.")

Auguste

Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 3953
By the sea

16 posted 2002-12-26 07:18 PM

I understand those feelings very well. Listen to your mom, she's right.

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