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I hate this... I really hate it.
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I hate this... I really hate it. |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
I have these issues, and right now I'm crying, because I'm stupid, because I have stupid issues. As a kid i was a loser. Everyone knew me, and they all avoided me, or went out of their way to ruin my life. As a result, I am now extremely loyal. Unfortunately, I expect the same loyalty in return, even though that isn't fair. I hate it. I really do. I want to be the only one... I don't care who's... I just want to be the only one who matters to someone. It's really, really hard to go through life with a need like that, and to never have it fulfilled. It's not fair for me to expect it to be fulfilled by anyone, so I try not to, but somehow I end up hurt anyway, no matter how much I try to avoid it. I can't stand it. I really hate it. Anyway, done complaining now. Everyone can ignore me. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Jeremiah Leonard - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
You ARE the only one. You are the ONLY YOU. This, my new friend, is the ONLY thing you can do better than anyone else---be yourself. And? You know how I brag about my children, right? I wanted YOU to know that I bragged about YOU to my son---how intelligent, and caring, and witty my new friend has proven to be. And just like you asked me once, I asked him to "guess your age"---smiling. He said, "Tell her I'm twelve, but look fifteen." Grin...he does. Hugs you. |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
Being the only me doesn't help if no one else likes the only me. Sorry. I have issues. Don't worry about me. Your post made me smile, but I don't know... I'm still crying. I'll live. Don't worry about me. Thank you. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
My daughter used to be so upset in high school because all her friends were dating and she wasn't. She just couldn't seem to get the boys she liked to like her. I gave her some advice then, that I'll share with you. Have you heard 'to everything there is a season..a time to be born...a time to die..a time to laugh...a time to cry'? People are like that too. There is a time when you will find what you seek. Live each moment knowing that your 'season' could begin the next day. My daughter started to blossom in college..and really came out of her shell and found not only love and happiness but found the real HER inside. You will find what you need in life. In your time...Good luck. And until then, smile and enjoy yourself!  |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
Gah... boys...  Ok. I'll try to remember that. I still think I have psychological issues. You know whats funny though? I can't get help. I cannot talk to counselors. No matter how many times I repeat that whatever the problem is is a major problem to me, they never seem to understand that it bothers me. "Oh, you seem to be dealing with it well," they say. Maybe I just have a subconscious dislike of councelors. That being said, if you're a councelor, please don't tell me. |
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Miah Senior Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 1062Pennsylvania |
My heart goes out to you. I sometimes felt the same way when I was younger. I think you have some very good advice give here tonight. From some lovely people. All I have to offer is an ear. Things will get better in time, and your time will come. A good heart  never goes unforgotten, atleast that is what I believe. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Kielo, Don't sit and wait and need. Find your own way about things, and someday, rather than making yourself sick lookin' for someone to notice you, someone will notice you -- and you'd be fine either way. Fill the hole in yourself with yourself -- only then, will someone be able to enrich what you've already filled. Mike |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Kielo, I sure had your experience in my adolesence. And I know that everybodies experience is different. But I will confess what worked for me. One night in bed I made a conscious decision that I was through feeling sad and being miserable. I made a commitment to myself that beginning the next day I would use my sense of humor to put a smile on somebody elses face. What a difference it makes when you aren't thinking only of yourself! But hey...that was just me. It worked then and still does now.  If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Larry? What a difference you have made in ME many a sad and lonely morn... He is right, Ki..unleash the joy in you! feeling grateful t'nite...I love you people. |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Kielo, I am not sure what age you are, but I can truly relate and sympathise with you. I am 22 but a few years ago I felt as you do right up to my late teens. I was the cliché; slightly overweight awkward loser with few friends. I went through my early school years with victim tattooed to my head, I was even picked on by a teacher who destroyed all self worth I had. It was so bad I had to move schools. Later in secondary (high) school there were 2 maybe 3 people in the whole school that would count as friends, not real friends. The point of my story is that I can relate, as can many people who will read this thread. Yes it takes time to recover from the hurt and feeling of loneliness. I found myself when I had to move out of home to go to college. I grew in confidence making real friends. I was away from all the pithy school yard jibes. I wouldn’t lie and say that you will never feel loneliness or hurt again, you will but you also grow in confidence and find the strength to rise above the hurt that others inflict upon you. I can tell from your words that you are a caring person, who wears your heart upon your sleeve. This is a rare quality at the best of times and it is one that will attract genuine people. You can only be yourself, all your mannerisms and your thoughts are unique to you. You affect the lives of more people than you know, family & friends. That is an amazing gift that we often take for granted. Be yourself and BE PROUD to be yourself. Take care. Too early for the rainbow, too early for the dove These are the final days, this is the darkness, this is the flood |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
Serenity? Tell him I look 18, 20ish, and get told that I act older. Sometimes. And about that bragging thing?  Thanks... That's really cool.Everyone else, the problem isn't with the way I act, or not having friends. I have friends, in fact I have some very wonderful friends. My problem is that I'm selfish, and I want to be the most important one. It's embarrasing to admit, but it's true. Thank you all for caring. Kielo |
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Miah Senior Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 1062Pennsylvania |
I don't know Kielo, I don't really see anything wrong with wanting to be extra special in someones heart.  |
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