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brandondinsmore
Member

since 1999-10-27

Posts 142
OKC, OK

0 posted 1999-10-27 01:29 PM

WHAT IS LOVE?
Seriously, I have no idea what love is. Does anyone have even a glimor of an idea?
Please help me.

Ihave found no answer to this question, but fear that it (love) wil sneak upon me and leave me before I am knowing enough to weed it out.

Lost Dreamer
Member Elite

since 1999-06-20

Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow

1 posted 1999-10-27 04:49 PM

What a loaded question you ask here. I don't think Love can pass you by without you noticing, it has this way of making your nerves go bonkers, making your emotions run around until your to dizzy to see straight. Everytime the phone will ring you will jump, as well when the doorbell rings. You'll start thinking of this person morning, noon, and night. Time will start going in slow motion as you await your next meeting. You'll start wanting to do kind things for this person all the time just to show how much you care. They say Love is blind, but it's not senseless. I do believe when that person comes along you will find it hard to keep your feet firmly planted on the ground.

doreen peri
Member Elite

since 1999-05-25

Posts 3812
Virginia

2 posted 1999-10-27 09:51 PM

I totally disagree, LD. What you've described here isn't love at all, IMHO... it is infatuation, only a mere glimpse of the beginnings of love. Those feelings you describe go away.... not just every now and then to those of us who are "unlucky in love" but ALWAYS. They disappear because infatuation is based on physical attraction, lust, chemical attraction, longing, and all that good stuff. It really IS too bad it can't last, but it can't. THis isn't to say it can't be rekindled and that feeling felt again with lovers or spouses who have been together for a long time.

So, what IS love? NOw that I've expressed my feelings and opinion about what love definitely ISN'T, I'll make a small sort of stab at what it might be.

I think LOVE has three different levels.

1. The love of family and friends.

2. The love of a spouse or lover (not infatuation.... something much deeper)

3. The love of God.

That being said, I'll refrain from discussing #1 and #3, because I don't think you are referring to those kinds of love... am I correct, Brandon?

So, for #2.... what is this thing we call "love" for a spouse or lover that goes deeper than infatuation? I've rambled here and spent some time breaking the ice.... but I'll come back and answer that later. Perhaps someone else would like to express their ideas on this.

I do definitely have some ideas about it... and I'd "love" to share them... but I'll wait for someone else to go first. How about you, LD? Let's pretend the infatuation is over. (do we need to pretend? LOL... I know I don't over here on my side of the mountain).

What comes AFTER the infatuation goes away?
Here's PART of my take on it.... Love is a verb. It is an action word. You have to force yourself to GIVE AND GIVE AND GIVE... that's all part of it... even if you don't feel like giving anything and have nothing to give.

oh geez... i could go on forever... and this, after a 12 hour work day and 6AM coming up pretty quickly so I can do it all over again... carry on, ladies and gentlemen... i'll be interested in checking back in on this one!

-dp

Colin
Senior Member

since 1999-06-05

Posts 596
Callington, Cornwall, England

3 posted 1999-10-28 01:56 AM

Hiya, well I just read the thread, and thought I would pop a BRIEF reply in (almost time I left for work). I saw what doreen wrote about forcing yourself to give give give. hmmm close... but what about when you give give give without forcing yourself? oh darn more later, but there's a start.

------------------
I believe in fairy tales but then I'm just a silly romantic, what do I know?

Lost Dreamer
Member Elite

since 1999-06-20

Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow

4 posted 1999-10-28 12:04 PM

Well, looks like I have been summoned to take the stand on the topic of Love. I guess in some peoples views I could have described infatuation, but for me it goes deeper. I felt Brandon was looking for the clues that would tell him he could have found Love. Now maybe I am wrong here and if I am I apoligize
for jumping the gun. I do not think Love is forced some of the beginning givings may disappear or change to some extent, but that's when the two become one and understanding becomes the success of Love. I am not saying it is easy, but I don't feel it takes everything I have to love my husband it feels like it comes natural. He's a part of me when he is away from me I think of him and pray he makes it safely back to me. There are differences we have, but what we share makes up for the differences. I guess I could be different then others out there, but I sure hope there are other couples that have this connection. To give Love you first have to have Love and I think that would fall into Doreen's #1 & #3 Love of family and friends, and Love of God. For any of this to work though one needs to Love themself first, then reach the point to accept Love from others. Love can start as infatuation and grow much deeper than that where forms of infatuation still feel as real as the day it started. I think I should stop here cause this is one of those topics that could go on for eternity.

doreen peri
Member Elite

since 1999-05-25

Posts 3812
Virginia

5 posted 1999-10-28 08:06 PM

Ok.... first, I didn't say love was something you had to force yourself to do.... if you read what I said, I said, (quote from my above post)

"Here's PART of my take on it.... Love is a verb. It is an action word. You have to force yourself to GIVE AND GIVE AND GIVE... that's all part of it... even if you don't feel like giving anything and have nothing to give."

When I said this, I didn't mean that love is always FORCED. Nor did I mean that it is ALWAYS giving when you don't feel like giving. That wasn't what I meant.

What I said was, love is a VERB.... that's what I meant. It is an action word. It is something you DO, not just something you FEEL. It takes deliberate effort. (I guess "force" was a stronger word than I intended... "deliberately giving" was more what I meant. I really should write and edit before posting directly into this window! That way, I'll make sure I'll make sure I'm being clear and not using the wrong word off the top of my head.... this is a very important subject, as everybody knows.)

What Lost Dreamer described was infatuation. By definition.

This is what Lost Dreamer said: "it has this way of making your nerves go bonkers, making your emotions run around until your to dizzy to see straight. Everytime the phone will ring you will jump, as well when the doorbell rings. You'll start thinking of this person morning, noon, and night. Time will start going in slow motion as you await your next meeting."

This is the definition of "infatuation" from the American Heritage dictionary:

"in*fat*u*ate [2] (verb transitive) -at*ed; -at*ing

[Latin infatuatus, past participle of infatuare, from in- + fatuus fatuous]

First appeared 1533

1 : to cause to be foolish : deprive of sound judgment

2 : to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration

-- in*fat*u*a*tion (noun)"

To have nerves that are "bonkers" and to have your "emotions run around until you are dizzy" and to jump every time the phone or doorbell rings... THAT is the nervousness that is accompanied with infatuation, NOT with love. Love can START with infatuation. This is true. But, LD, you can't tell me you have these feelings about your husband if you have been married many years. Yes, you probably had them at first. If you were lucky, you got to ride that cloud nine for a few years.... 3 is the max according to most studies on this.

Love is something entirely different. It's not just more. It's DIFFERENT. Love is giving. It is WANTING to give... YES.... it is giving because you care and giving and giving and giving more and more of yourself. It is also forgiving. But it is certainly NOT frayed nerves or anxiety and heart palpatations from a telephone call! That is infatuation. Nobody can seriously tell me that they have heart palpitations and sweaty palms if they have been with a person any more than a couple of years.

Now, that's not to say that if your spouse or lover who you have been with for many years comes home after several days or an extended period of time away, that you would not be excited and anxious to meet him at the airport. When you are seperated from a person you LOVE for a time period which you aren't used to, you should certainly be looking forward to seeing him and hopefully excited about it.

You don't have the same sweaty hands EVERY day when he comes home from work though... because your infatuation is gone... it has disappeared.... it has grown and changed and you have gotten to know your spouse on a deeper level....

So.... here's the deal, IMHO. Love is a VERB. A VERB is the part of speech that means "action". It is an action word. You DO LOVE. You Make Love. You Give Love. Infatuation goes away. Love grows... but you have to nurture it. You have to feed it and give it fertilizer. Love is giving. Giving because you want to because you FEEL like giving. AND giving because you want to because you CARE for the other person... (you might NOT feel like it ALL the time.)

Probably most importantly, if you love someone, you are concerned about their needs. You care about their essence... about their life... about their feelings.... about what's good for them. The action word "love" means doing things for the welfare of the other person. It means assessing your spouse or lover's needs and being there to fulfill them. It means discovering all the idiocincrocies your spouse or lover has and ACCEPTING them as part of him. When you have mature love for a person, you understand that nobody is perfect. And you accept it.

Respect is a big part of it, too. And that's a verb, as well. Wait... i mean respect is the biggest part of it... oh geez, what DO I mean? LOL... love is a very big subject

To summarize, if someone has heart palpatations and sweaty hands for a spouse of many years.... they rarely blessed, indeed. Or else they have the flu.

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