I have one, but I'm drawn to another!

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extremes
New Member

since 2002-07-04

Posts 3

0 posted 2002-07-04 11:56 AM

Hi,I'm new! I've tried a few chat sites,but I don't appreciate the "shallowness" of what people talk about! I need input on more serious topics - most of which I have written poetry on. So its all about feelings!
My current dilemma: I've been with an amazing! guy for a year and a half (call him Man#1). He practically worships me, does all these little things that are so special, is very capable when my car or anything else breaks, gives unselfishly, offers security etc. In other words, most women think he's perfect! I do too! Except for....

I'm a gemini.My whole life is surrounded by extremes!My poetry is either very high, or very low. I'm forever contradicting myself - you get the picture.
As much as I cling to security (because I know what I can expect from him and he'll always treat me right), I am drawn to another guy:
Man#2: unpredictable;often perverse;contradictive;easily brushes me off; has a social life that I don't know whether I would be able to align to; divorced; different ethnic group (although he is a christian); strange; secretive; mysterious...

My heart draws me to him, although all my logic screams NO!!
Logic says he has nothing to offer me except short and wild. Heart knows he really loves me but is afraid as I am.

Do you give up so much that is good and special, and who has given so much of his life and time for you, or do you follow your heart into the darkness, and risk...??

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

1 posted 2002-07-04 12:14 PM

A small point though. Just because you are Gemini doesn't mean anything. Atleast, I don't believe in starsigns. You are what you are, and the stars don't have control over you. I may be wrong, but then my stars control what I think, right?

Well, to your question, I think it's your life and you should dig deep into yourself, however deep you can go into your mind (that's not easy, believe me) and think what you want from your life, in terms of a spouse/partner/lover/friend/...

Your feelings though are quite natural. Most people in this world fall in similar dilemma. I could generalise this to some inanimate objects (like I did in another thread), but I would get the wrong end of the stick for it.

Life has many forks, and you don't know what is in the future in either direction. Some prefer slow steps, some fast... both reach an ultimate conclusion at some point, but the art of living is not to regret either decision... Atleast you have a choice, and a brain to exercise to make that choice.

Morality, high-handedness, ego, pride or even star-signs can be kept aside...

Sometimes I think, it is all an educated guess(sometimes I also think what the heck am I talking about???)

Make yours and be happy with life.

Wish you a good life,
Sudhir

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

2 posted 2002-07-04 02:12 PM

ask your self what would make you happist if its really worth risking it with this man. None of us know weaher something is going to work out better so just think of what you have to lose and make your own decsion. If your askin what would I do I took the risk and it didnt work out with the guy but it were the best thing 4 me and so Id prob take the risk again. But then again I'm an Aries an taking risks is my game.

I'm wise enough now not to let cool get to me.

[This message has been edited by Moon Dust (07-04-2002 03:15 PM).]

alterego
Member

since 2002-02-23

Posts 113
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

3 posted 2002-07-04 03:08 PM

Hi:

I'm a Gemini, too,and we're reknown for making bad choices in partners, for the very reasons you cited.

My advice: Stick with Man#1 - he sounds like a gem (no pun intended). The other one sound a bit too much of a risk. Yeah, you need relief from boredom sometimes, but there are other ways to get over that then screwing up a good relationship. You are the one who controls your "dual" nature - not the other way around!

Good Luck!!!

Create something infinite today - Smile!!!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2002-07-04 05:55 PM

Where's man #2 going to be in five years? Man #1, same question?

Chances are, #2 is going to be with another woman...

and Man #1 will still be with YOU.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

5 posted 2002-07-04 08:52 PM

"unpredictable;often perverse;contradictive;easily brushes me off; has a social life that I don't know whether I would be able to align to; divorced; different ethnic group (although he is a christian); strange; secretive; mysterious..."

There is a very good chance that, in time, you will find Man2 to be none of these things. From this descroption, I see a man with a liquid agenda.

Forget about divorced, Hell, were ALL divorced.

Unpredictable means that he is scattered.
This also means, unreliable.

He brushes you off because there is something (someone) else he would rather do.

He is secretive because HE HAS SECRETS!

Perverse AND a sketchy social life, tells me that he's a small change wannabe punk with a part time position in the pharmacutical field, and or a used electronics salesman.

I say these things, because I was these things.

Have a good life, be careful

~wranx

"Writing is a perfectly natural thing to do...provided it's done in private and you wash your hands afterward"....Heinlein.

my3monkeytoes
Member

since 2002-05-11

Posts 152
In the Carolina Breeze

6 posted 2002-07-04 11:42 PM

Well, I'm an Aries, and just because I'm supposed to be "rambunctious" and "bull-headed", I don't strive to be or make my astrological sign an excuse for my personality.  Although, I'm sure my husband would disagree when the moon is full and mars is in alignment with the right stars (haha!).

Here's a little glimpse of what happened to me...

Young.  Had this perfect, "oh so very wonderful" guy.  He was polite.  Came from a financially comfortable family.  He drove a conservative car...but hey...he had one (we were both 16 at the time).  Always well spoken and mannered.  Sweet, sweet, sweet.

Enter - older guy (18) - with a "bad car" (something convertable, I'm sure) - a bad boy reputation - very independant (lived with mom one day...dad the next 3...whatever suited him)...and every single female in my high school was dying to be with him...

I broke the first guys heart, and instead, opted to spend my energies on guy number two.

I had a blast.  Guy number two was something else.  And it lasted just a few months.

Guy number one remained my friend, but never got past the hurt.

I hear guy number one is married now...an engineer...very happy.

Guy number two has a couple of kids scattered across the world, literally, has a police record, is STILL doing batchelor things (like hanging out at the college dance clubs and such)...not really happy.

I will forever wonder "what if" and kick myself for being so naive.  But then again, it's the paths we have chosen that lead us to where we are now...and I wouldn't change a thing about that!

Do what you feel strongest about dear...but don't play man 1 and man 2 at the same time.  And whatever you decide, promise yourself..."no looking back" or "what ifs".

Peace.

~SM

extremes
New Member

since 2002-07-04

Posts 3

7 posted 2002-07-08 02:30 PM

Thanks all for your advices! A few comments:
- I too don't believe in star signs, but the whole concept of twins suits me to a T (hence my name "extremes")!
- I guess we all sometimes look for an answer in stone, but, there ain't none!
- and sometimes, logical advice drives me crazy because its so right, but then on the other hand, I'm too chicken to take a risk. My own damn fault then, hey?!
- the most important thing I learnt from all the comments? - no regrets...
- as a conclusion, here is a poem I once wrote that is relevant to this "crisis":

Losing my freedom (part 1) 19 November 2000

My biggest fear: losing my freedom

My life: solitary
For freedom needs wings, not anchors.
My love: denied
For commitment is independence’s divorcee.
My mind: tormented
For it is the chessboard to freedom’s checkmate.
My heart: controlled
For it is weak and clings.
My thoughts: guarded
For independence is my precious stone.
My feelings: punished
For feelings come from the heart, and the heart clings.
My career: selected
For it will earn me my wings.
My loved ones: distanced
For they are the anchors to my heart.

I am not afraid of commitment
to conversation, to love, to family, to friendship.
I am afraid of losing my freedom
freedom – my reason to live.

Dulcinea
Senior Member

since 2001-07-22

Posts 774
IN

8 posted 2002-07-08 06:01 PM

Before you step into the darkness, you need to ask yourself if you can live without light. Why take such a risk? You could lose man1 and everything that really matters for the future for one day in the here and now...not worth it! But I know I would take man1 any day.

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