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A dilemna of fatal attraction
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A dilemna of fatal attraction |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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Just suppose you have a friend---someone you have known a LONG time--and you suspect, no, you KNOW they have become dangerously deranged---as proven by stints of violent behavior resulting in a prison sentence. Now follow me here, while in prison, this person apparently developed an obsession for you, and upon release, phones you, convinced of your destiny to be played out together. You rebuff this person as gently as possible, but firmly saying "No. There is no chance for a future for us." Here is where it gets frightening. This angers the former friend, whereupon threats are voiced---in the manner of "You are forcing me to force you to become convinced." The word rape is used, as well as the terms "begging for mercy." Now of course, the first thoughts would be police, but first of all, there is no proof. Second, a threat is not enough to send this person away forever. There is always the underlying thought of what this person might do if infuriated. There is no family left of this person to appeal to them to have him committed. In the meantime, you live in fear of your own safety, the safety of your family, as well as society in general. So....what do you do? What are the options? |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
The options are few, Get a restraining order, at least to officially showing the situation exist. Otherwise The options are two Stand and fight or Run and hide. Gloom |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
sigh...restraining orders always seem to me to be a minor detail in the paragraph describing someone's murder. But Run and HIDE. no...I've done enough of that my entire life. What frightens me, is that I know, if this man enters my home, I will defend myself and my own to the full extent of my capabilities. And there is still something in my heart for the person who "used to be"---and I wish there was a way I could get him help, although realistically I know that help cannot come directly from ME. I've a very stupid heart and piss poor judgement. sigh. |
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The Lady of Shallot Senior Member
since 2001-10-03
Posts 818USA |
Oh dear lady, I hate reading this, fear is a terrible thing...no, don't hide, hiding gives them control, more control over you. Don't chide yourself for piss poor  judgement, hell, we've all had that believe me. IT's not your fault you only saw the good in someone.I would say this. You are dealing with someone who is not right in the head. Do whatever you have to do to defend yourself by any means, sometimes no response will bore them, they go away, if not, don't be afraid to tell someone close to you! please be safe.... -befriend yourself and you will never be alone- |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
This one needs to hear the growl of a bigger dog whose fangs when bared leave no doubt. The element of surprise adds weight to an unexpected visit and leaves the lasting impression of the stalkers vulnerability. A parolee can't afford complaints, have him meet you in a tavern and in your place send his parole officer (a bit late to assure the odor of alcoholic beverage). Can't pull the plug on this scheme? Convince him you have AIDS. Good luck [This message has been edited by RSWells (edited 10-29-2001).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
RS....didn't think of AIDS! I told him though, that I had gotten my "monthly" and a bout of diahrea! (ew, but giggle?) And after some discussion, we have decided not to change the number, but WAIT to see if he continues to call. Then there will phone harassment. Also, we have been fairly active in the community, thus we have ways of speaking with the police, without speaking to the police officially. sigh...and the "rap" sheet on this guy? Well, let's just say if we rolled it out, it would lead a path from the front door to the bathroom, (how appropriate, as it is sickening) but after much discussion this morning, we have decided thus far, to remain silent and let this guy run his natural course. I am supposed to be a bit "safer" now, which kind of ticks me off as I am accustomed to spending time alone in the park and also like to talk long walks at dusk...so no more of that for awhile. But this still leaves me with a troubling question--just in the spirit of being a good person, when do you stop offering emotional support to a "troubled friend"? AND do we have a moral responsibility to get help for those who are obviously going off the deep end? Just for the record, rape has been more than issue in my life, and this entire incident has sparked the nightmares and the migraines all over again. Is there a profile for a victim? Or am I, as I have often said myself, simply a "magnet for lunatics?" ????????????????????????????????????????????? |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Please do be careful. I suggest consulting an local law enforcer about this. |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
He sounds dangerous Serenity ... I would be careful about interaction even on future phonecalls. Even "negative" attention (arguing or telling them not to call you) is still "attention" to someone who is harassing. If they continue to engage you in dialogue (good or bad) ... they can often take that as positive reinforcement for their deranged viewpoints. Even offers to "help" can easily be twisted in their mind into being viewed as affection. If you are feeling threatened, I would seriously consider contacting local law enforcement and make the verbal threat known. Please be careful... |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Paying attention - in any form - is feeding this guy's ego - You have yourself and your family to protect. I rather like the "probation officer's visit at a tavern" approach - the proverbial bigger dog.. Not a bad plan... You can't help him, serenity - It's more than one layperson-potential victim can possibly do - you need backup. Don't try to take it on yourself. Keep it together, be strong, and God Bless.. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I'd like to thank everybody, and this situation is being kindly taken care of for me, in a manner that involves my minimal involvement. (Legally, too ) Thank you all. |
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