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serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2012-04-07 07:13 PM



Easter Sunday has become my personal 9-1-1...except it is like knowing ahead of time, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

The only thing I know to do, is to just not die out of order...so I plan on serving up scrambled eggs with the ham, tomorrow.,

I'm not JOB. If this has been a tempuring, a trial, mix better metals next time, and yeah, make the fire hotter and beat the edges of me sharper.

If I have a prayer left in me, I pray that my husband and I did just that--then my life would have made some sense.

I see a day of reckoning differently now. I want to ask the questions--and I want the answers, in essay form...

© Copyright 2012 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2012-04-07 10:39 PM


I won't have the answers, but I do have a prayer or two; one is that you do find your answers. In whatever form, in whatever way. And I do hear you. This requiem is known to me, I just haven't shared it like you have. And, I have not gone through what you have. I've only been through my own, and for some reason, even when I thought it deep, I always see someone I need to reach for and pull up.

There go my rose colored glasses...falling through the stuff of life again, and somehow they fall back up onto my face so I can see through another day. I am cursed!

I do not make light of your sorrows, pain, or worry. I just want you to know, that since I have to wear these blasted glasses, I only ask that you reach out and grab my hand.

Love, K


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

2 posted 2012-04-07 11:41 PM


I didn't go through any of this alone. I am confused tonight, as I can't even count my many blessings--you among them, Karilea.

Thank you and all of my private angel-beings. I keep thinking about my sister, Twist, and I worry so much. She is so much more than she gives herself credit for...

Sometimes I think I am the emotional vein of the family. Born with my skin on inside out...and I want to be strong like THEM--FOR them.

My mom is...well she's at home, insisting she's not in pain, and treating this as just another nuisance. So thank you all for letting me worry into the ethers, so I can go over there tomorrow, and not annoy everybody by being myself.

Born crying, I was. *hugs*

Happy Easter.

Stephanos
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618
Statesboro, GA, USA
3 posted 2012-04-17 10:06 PM


Karen, I'm sorry you're hurting.  Your post made me think of this passage.


"They gave me nothing in the world to love but Psyche and then took her from me ...

I say the gods deal very unrightly with us. For they will neither (which would be best of all) go away and leave us to live our own short days to ourselves, nor will they show themselves openly and tell us what they would have us do. For that too would be endurable. But to hint and hover, to draw near us in dreams and oracles, or in a waking vision that vanishes as soon as seen, to be dead silent when we question them and then glide back and whisper (words which we cannot understand) in our ears when we most wish to be free of them, and to show to one what they hide from another; what is all this but cat-and-mouse play, blindman’s bluff, and mere jugglery? Why must holy places be dark places?

I say, therefore, that there is no creature (toad, scorpion, or serpent) so noxious to man as the gods…. Let them answer my charge if they can."

(From Orual's Compaint, in 'Til We Have Faces)

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

4 posted 2012-04-17 11:12 PM


*smile*

I miss our talks, Stephanos. I especially miss our arguments.



It was like having another brother...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

5 posted 2012-04-17 11:14 PM


And Kari? Didn't mean to ignore you.

There's a nice breeze wafting through my open windows, and that reminds me of you.

Stephanos
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618
Statesboro, GA, USA
6 posted 2012-04-22 12:21 PM


Me too Karen, me too.  
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