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Advice?
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Advice? |
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exhale Senior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 646Alberta,Canada 
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I think, I need some advice. some real advice. Since I was 6, I've known what I was going to do with the rest of my life (laugh if you wish). I was going to be an actress. Sounds foolish, I know. But it was everything to me, and has been until just recently...no..let me correct that, it still is. But lately, I've been looking at this more..shall we say..realistically. I know I can't make a living off it, I know that, and for that reason, I have decided to give it up. And I've got to say, it's killing me. This is the first time in my entire life, I have been unsure of the rest of my life, and it's scaring me beyond belief. Most people say it's normal to go through this phase, but no..it's not. It's like having a map for most of a trip and having a great sense of direction, working your whole trip around it. Then someone burns the map. I've been trying to go through my options, what else I love that I can do for a living. None of it seems fesible to me. It breaks my heart a little everytime someone talks about it with me, or when someone asks me what I'm going to do with my life. Whenever my friends ask me why I just won't act anymore, and why I just can't incorporate small acting jobs, like community theatre, into this new idea. I try to explain to them, that I just can't. If I don't put my entire being into something, especially this, then I can't do it at all. It would just break my heart. Could you live with yourself doing that? I'm sick of people telling me 'One should always live for dreams, for without them, what is left?'. A living is left, being able to sustain a life..that's what's left. Am I wrong in thinking it's foolish to pursue a dream that won't come true. I would like honest responses please, because I've heard the sugar coated, way to many times. |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
quote: I could, I have, and I'm pretty sure most people inevitably do. For over a year, I put my entire being into a relationship with my wife. When our first daughter was born, my entire being was necessarily diluted. Three years later, when our second girl came along, it was diluted yet again. Guess what happened three years after that? (It was a boy, finally, so we stopped.) I could probably give a score of personal examples, some of them much closer to your own situation than a relationship might seem. All of them, however, as with your own situation, share a common theme. People make choices, and every choice followed represents an infinite number of choices abandoned. It seems like the only possible way to get something you want is to be willing to give up something else you wanted just as much. I really do sympathize with you, Chelsea. My momma once told someone that I was born with only two speeds: dead-stop and bull-in-a-china-shop, get-the-hell-outa-his-way, full-speed-ahead. Years later, someone who didn't like me as much as my mother did, said it more concisely: I'm lazy and obsessive. Ironically, being lazy has never got me into trouble. Being obsessive, however, is often very trying. Left unmoderated, I've discovered, obsession will destroy a life. It's a paradox I think I have lived with my entire life. I firmly believe focus is the secret to real success in just about any human endeavor. However, I believe just as fervently that the secret to success in life is balance. Put another way, I think it is very easy to succeed at just about anything if one devotes every iota of their being towards their goal. History -- and the tabloids -- are rife with examples of such people. And every single one of us, I suspect, knows the stories of what that kind of success can often bring. Elvis, Marilyn, Belushi, and countless more have repeatedly shown us that success isn't necessarily the opposite of misery. Sometimes, it seems to be the very root of it. Doing something well is easy if it's the only thing you ever try to do. My greatest successes have always come when I let myself give in to obsession. The greater challenge, and I honestly believe the greater reward, is in striving to do well without throwing away the rest of your life in the process. That's harder. Sometimes, I think, infinitely harder. I have to keep reminding myself that's the way most people live their lives without even trying. Here's your honest response, Chelsea. If your only choices really lie at the very edges of what should be a wide spectrum, I think you've already made the wrong choices. It ultimately doesn't matter which extreme you choose, because both will lead to unhappiness. For people caught in their own obsessions, Do or Don't Do are easy choices. It's much more difficult to step away from those edges and find somewhere in the middle where you can plant your foot and take a stand. That place doesn't need to be dead-center (and probably shouldn't be, either), but only you can decide how far from center and which direction you want to travel. If making a good living is important to you, you're going to have to give up something else. If being an actress is important to you, you're still going to have to give up something else. The mistake you want to avoid, in both instances, is giving up everything else. Whatever path you choose, it will be much more difficult to follow it in the absence of obsession. Trust me, though, it will also be much more rewarding. p.s. Acting was one of those early obsessions, circa high school and early college, that I eventually sacrificed for different obsessions. Those who've watched me teach in front of a classroom these past seven years claim I never really did give it up, though.  Good luck with your choices. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Ok, I love what Ron said, agree 100%. Hitting my mid-thirties, it is nearly past that time for dreaming - ok , IT IS past that time for dreaming. I will say if I had not dreamt and gone on my instincts, I would not have met someone who just fills my spirit with intense happiness. If I had stuck to "normal" and did what I was supposed to do, I would be very unhappy today. Also, when I was 23, I had the opportunity to be a tattoo artist, an apprentice. I used to draw a lot and paint and that was my obsession. I had an amazing opportunity to learn under the tutelage of a female Tattoo Master, one of the best in Western New York. I didn't do this. I will always regret it. It is what I wanted to do, what I loved to do and what I dreamed of doing. (I was meant to do this) To this day, it KILLS me that I passed this up. I didn't do it because my life at the time, was close minded and people around me were too. I didn't do it because I thought I would fail or that it would lead me into a life that was "odd" to say the least. Now I know I was extremely foolish for at least not pursuing what could right now be an extremely satisfying career, intrinsically and financially. I was going to get my B.A in Art. Never did that either. I am an IT tech now, I love it, many options but not my soul. It is not what my soul wants to do. You need to follow your gut and fly by the seat of your pants. The successful made it where they are by being true to themselves. Do what you need to do. Trust me, later you may have regrets that you did not at least try. Then you can say, well, I tried. And go from there. Hope that helps. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I put my dreams on hold for the longest time... But I picked them back up a few years ago. I still have to hold to responsible actions "for the good of many" but I am finally realizing some of my own fantasies... As was said about...it has a lot to do with choices. I wish you the best for yours. . |
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exhale Senior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 646Alberta,Canada |
Thank you all for responding to this, it means the world to me. Ron, Dispite my current mindset, I completely understand what you mean. I am very similiar to you, I have that obsessive 'quality', that has the capacity to destroy, and it's been showing it's face recently more than I would like it too. I agree that to live a life (nevertheless a normal one!), one needs to have that balance, that ability to not look at it as a black or white situation (which lately I seem to be fond of) but rather to look at it as shades of gray where one needs to find their own niche. After reading this again today with a clearer mind (dispite the lack of sleep), I can see that now. I know that it will be a long climb uphill, but in the end to find that balance, might be what truly makes my life complete in the end, whether or not I put my entire being into something. Because a passion like that has the ability to consume, and in most cases it does. like you said, "The greater challenge, and I honestly believe the greater reward, is in striving to do well without throwing away the rest of your life in the process." Exactly. Thank you for the honest response, it means more to me than you might know. Because it seems to me, you understand, and that's rare these days. It's going to take me some time (which seems to be flying by as we speak), but I know that it will be worth it. Whether I choose in the end to pursue my dream, or at least try. Or whether I choose to sacrifice it, just a little, to something that could be greater. Either way I will inevitably find that gray area in between to enjoy the rest of my days. Those choices, that will come and go, will be harder without the obsession could drive them. But like you said it will probably be more rewarding in the end. Right now though, I'm a bit too content in self pity. That will change soon enough though. Feeling sorry for oneself can get rather boring.  Are you a teacher? Because that just so happens to be one of the options that I've have been thinking about lately, though I'm worried it might just drive me to insanity. If only kids were born with maturity. But then again, what fun would childhood be if that were the case? |
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exhale Senior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 646Alberta,Canada |
Littlewing, Thank you, It's sad the regrets that we can have throughout a lifetime. But I think the fact that you acknowledge it, is something to be proud of, most lie to themselves in thinking they didn't make the wrong decisions. "Do what you need to do. Trust me, later you may have regrets that you did not at least try. Then you can say, well, I tried." I think that is some of the best advice someone can give. Because it seems trying (which may result in failure, which seems to discourage many from even attempting) is still better than not even giving it a go, and feeling that regret later on in life. Thank you. |
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exhale Senior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 646Alberta,Canada |
Sunshine, I'm so very glad that even after a long period of time, you still came back to what was probably the root of who you are. It makes it seem all the more possible to me, even at such a young age. And I wish the best for you, always. Thank you. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
quote:So true. What's worse (or better, maybe) is how many facets of my life this applies to. Good luck exhale - philosophicaly, I've always been good at recognizing the grey areas... in practice, they're awfully elusive. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
littlewing !  nonononononoquote: hehe, I just turned 60 and still haven't decided what I'm gonna do when I grow up except...it'll be something to do with people, even when I say I am SICK of working with people and all their damn dumb problems! LOL, and even though I have never had one ounce of self-confidence, I still fly around and act...as if...I know what I am doing, like what I am doing, and wouldn't change a bloody thing about my life even if I had a chance  you believe that pile of doooo? LOL.Seriously though? if I could LIFE over? I'd wanna push Gilda Radnor off the stage and take her spot on SNL.  I always read you. I think you know that already. so I feel really comfortable in saying You WILL get back up on the stage, somewhere, some time. And just going through the emotions of daily life is an act in its own respect. I wish you the very best, whatever you should attempt to do, dear Chelsea. But don't give up on your dreams just yet. You may find yourself on stage at a later age...hey, that is a really stupid rhyme! but who cares? not me. BTW, thank you very much for reading my post We three Kings. Your comment made my day! |
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exhale Senior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 646Alberta,Canada |
Chrisopher, Thank you, philosophicaly, I've always been good at recognizing the grey areas... in practice, they're awfully elusive. How true that is. Midnitesun, Have I ever had the chance to tell you what a sweetie you are? Because you are, and I feel like you're one of those people, that should hear it every single day. It made my heart soar knowing you read my work (mostly because,like most poets, I never truly believe anyone reads my work), and the faith that you have put in me, has just made my evening complete. and BTW, I'm glad my comment on We three Kings made your day, because that poem certainly made mine  |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
*smiling here Kacy* Thanks for the spankin', I deserved it! Should have re-phrased that: I have a 6 year old, It is impossible for me to ever stop dreaming. (TG) I call people like us --> Peter Pans. *grin* and LOL - I do the same things you do, you have to - or else you would never get anyplace. But I should have said: Dreaming as in having a PLAN. (a solid one) (I used to - I don't know where it went) eh? Better? *smile* (Why do I get the feeling you are going to smack me, again?) *laughing here* |
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Greeneyes 
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
I wrong in thinking it's foolish to pursue a dream that won't come true""" you're wrong in thinking it wont come true, only you can make it happen, if you dont pursue it how will you know? |
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exhale Senior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 646Alberta,Canada |
I know where you are coming from Greeneyes, but what if I wasted my life pursuing a dream. Granted, I might be content in saying 'I tried', but that doesn't give me my life back. |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
You can’t make real money being a poet, yet you write. You can’t make real money being an actress, so you won’t act? What then is important to you about acting? |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
I dont think you can waste your life pursuing a dream, if you really try.... |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
You know what? I was a natural artist when I was young. I was so good at second grade I could sketch a face nearly to what they looked like. Every one thought I would be an artist when I grew up. I am now trying to get a degree in mechanichal engineering. I find my self finding little time for art an litttle for poetry. Alot of poeple and old techers never understood why I chose to do this. The truth is I did it to define who I WAS. Identity is the most important thing to a person, especially artists who love is expressing themselves to the world. Before you Say no to acting I would ask your self who do you want the world to see you as? Even though I have little time to write and do my art I still once and a whil set down and just draw. and poeple are amazed, because they never would even think I was that good. I chose not to be an artist, because I loved it so much that I never wanted to rush my self or have dead lines. I love writing in the same way. Why become an engineer? simple. I like helping people. I want to prove to the world that I am an awsome person with many talents. That I can to everything. But that is just me. -Juju Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic |
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exhale Senior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 646Alberta,Canada |
I would like to thank everyone for their thoughts, and even though this is a decision I must make on my own, it's nice to hear different opinions and it makes alllllll the difference  |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
quote: Littlewing said: ____________________________________________ Dreaming as in having a PLAN. (a solid one) (I used to - I don't know where it went) _____________________________________________ Plans often get changed by no fault of our own, but one can always dream. Without a dream there can be no plans that matter. Keep your dream Exhale and work as much as you can towards your goals. best to you, martyjo |
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